Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Sucks for Tara Reid

I think most of ya'll have seen this but just in case...



Clink on this link from TMZ - D-List Tara

posted by Apple Martini @ 9:57 PM 7 comments
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Tomorrow Morning

Tomorrow morning (Wednesday, April 5th) at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be:

01:02:03 04/05/06.


That won't ever happen again --- ever.

Kinda cool. Okay, so maybe I'm just easily amused these days...

posted by Cosmopolitan @ 12:23 PM 36 comments
Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Fuck everyone. Seriously. I'm done.

posted by Cosmopolitan @ 3:12 PM 14 comments
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Job

My job sucks.

posted by Cosmopolitan @ 8:18 PM 8 comments
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Unusual Text Message

So I texted DM from across the room tonight. I'm fairly confident that only a handful of people, if any, have sent the same message in the history of texting: "I'm pretty sure that giraffe is racist."

Don't ask. It did, however, give me one of those "don't laugh in the middle of church" type of giggles. I love text messages! :)

posted by Cosmopolitan @ 9:59 PM 12 comments
Monday, March 13, 2006
Resolution Update

1) Get fit again. You are a much healthier, happier, more confident person when you are in top shape. It's not that hard. Your body reacts quickly to exercise - do it. You need at least five cardio sessions and three days of weights weekly. Failing. HOWEVER, as I told KLP Martini today, I've decided to pretend as though I am still getting married in terms of getting skinny starting TODAY. KLP better scold me if I fail to report a workout to her every morning. In addition, any martini who wants to workout at any given point in time, give me a call - especially now that the weather is warming up and a certain doggie loves to get outside!!

2) Provided you make it through this week's impending layoffs, embrace your newly assigned position despite the fact that it is not the job of your dreams. Do whatever you need to do to be successful in the program and then you can reevaluate in a year. Try to have a positive attitude...even when people suck. Failing...as of today. I have been disenchanted for quite some time, but today was a final straw of sorts. I won't go into details, but lets just say I'm tired of being screwed b/c I'm a young female. Resume getting updated this week and will be sent out by the weekend...

3) Be the best doggie mommy you can be. This includes, but is not limited to, spending plenty of time each day walking, playing ball, chasing, taking the little guy to new places (dogpark, nature trails, maybe even a beach trip w/ KLP Martini?), and taking good care of him in terms of brushing his teeth, clipping his nails, etc. In progress! My doggie has been to the dogpark a few times, had a boys night w/ KLP's dogs, visited grandma's, and run at a nearby school. Still no beach trip, but we'll see. Maybe a day at the lake instead?

4) Read. Yes, read. YIKES!! You should be proud to announce that you have already read one book this month (and no it wasn't a Babysitter's Club or Sweet Valley High.) While it's probably best not to place an exact number of books to complete for 2006, you should at least quadruple the number you read in 2005 (which should be easy, that would leave you with just three more to go and 11.5 months to accomplish the task.) Failing. Although I read a book in Jan, the count still stands at one. I'm not even sure where I put the second book I was planning to read.

5) Do better than just send your grandfather (your only grandparent) cards monthly and for holidays - shoot for every two weeks. Try to schedule a trip to visit or visit dad at the same time he'll be in town. Send him pictures too. In progress. Unfortunately I wasn't able to see him when he was visiting a state away due to work constraints. I have, however, sent cards and notes. I may even slip a recent pic of the pup and me in the mail w/ his St. Pat's card tomorrow.

6) See family more often. Keep in better touch with cousins. Don't dread the annual reunion. Hmmm...failing. At least the reunion is at the beach!

7) Give guys a chance. A real chance. Even if they aren't 6'4 and ripped. Try to have a little more faith in men. They aren't all like the evil man who caused so much pain in '04/05. Failing. Shocker.

8) Speaking of, try to stop taking joy in the fact that his (man mentioned above) team has no shot at a winning season as they are currently 2-14. You know what? Never mind. That IS funny and you shouldn't stop finding amusement in his failures. Hahahaha. His team won like 3 games all season. Seriously. Hahahahaha.

9) Take up golf. Weather is now warmer and more conducive to learning golf. Will make it a goal to really play for the first time during the family reunion or when visiting dad this spring/summer.

10) Quit picking at your nails when bored/nervous. It's a bad habit and creates the need for numerous manicures and polish touch-ups. Sort-of passing. No longer picking at my nails, but still picking at nail polish.

11) Take risks. Go to one of those alumni happy hours you are always getting emails for. Meet up with the people you email but never hang out with. Do something un-Cosmo-like that surprises everyone. I've been drunk twice already this year. Drinking some during the week too...I blame work, but hey, it's un-Cosmo like so at least I can check off this resolution! Haven't gone to an alumni happy hour yet (in my defense I was out of town for the only one I've heard about.) Have seen more of people than last year, but still not nearly enough.

12) Save more money. If saving more money means giving a loan to Ann Taylor Loft, this one is a success!

13) Eat more regularly. Your food intake isn't your problem - it's your lack thereof. Try going back to six small meals a day. Take vitamins. Drink lots and lots of water. Who cares if you have to leave your desk to go potty every twenty minutes. Failing...see #1 - will change starting now!

14) Go out more often - not necessarily "out out" but out in general. Hang out with friends. Meet new people. See #11.

15) Do community service work. Passed! If I don't lift a finger in the community for the rest of 2006, I've already completed this task...and then some!

16) Deal with stress in a constructive fashion. Screaming at people, crying, and cutting everyone out of your world are not the best solutions. Hmmmm....talk to me when I have a new job. And if you know of any available jobs, by the way, let me know!!

17) Get your new place unpacked and set-up once and for all! Buy those last few things you need to make it feel like a home. Do not let it get to your one-year anniversary and not have the place finished. In progress - finally bought one rug (need another), and a shower curtain and bath mat for one of the bathrooms. Still need another rug, a file cabinet, a new hot water heater (before disaster strikes!), some stuff for the walls, a few plants. Need the wireless internet router set up!

18) Blog at least once a week...even if it's just an uneventful update or a funny story swiped from a news website. Miserably failing - I am so sorry fans of Sober Living. Seriously going to make this one happen!!


19) Make out with someone - anyone - in 2006. Okay, maybe not just anyone: must be male, fairly attractive, and somewhat interesting. Cannot be recycled goods, no matter how tempting a few of those might be. Mission accomplished! :) :) :) :)

posted by Cosmopolitan @ 7:35 PM 19 comments
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Resolution #19...

...has been accomplished...and then some...

The best part is that I didn't even have to settle for someone less than 6'5, athletic, and HOT. Good job Cosmo!!

posted by Cosmopolitan @ 1:18 PM 24 comments
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Talk to your Doctor about...

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila(r).

Tequila(r) is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila(r) can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila(r) almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila(r).

Tequila(r) may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila(r). However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila(r). Leave Shyness Behind.(tm)


------------------
This is a forward AM sent me, but since she's having technical difficulties - I thought I'd put it up. (-;

posted by Dirty Martini @ 7:38 PM 19 comments
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Hooked on Celebrities

I am now watching the E! Fashion Police review of last night's Golden Globes....last night not only did I watch the entire show (in between the Bachelor of course) I also watched the Red Carpet Pre-Show on both E! and TVGuide Network (hosted by Joan and Melissa).

On one hand it must be so dreadful to be micro-scrutinized when you are a celebrity...but on the other hand, they get all that free stuff (gift bags, free couture gowns, millions in jewelry, etc.) so I don't feel too badly for them..... what I would give to have their life rather than my mundane cubicle existence......ah well.........at least I can stuff my face full of cream puffs at night and not have to see the consequences splayed out across tabloids the next day.........

Tonight I went to my first Book Club gathering...the book we had chosen was horrible....Jennifer Weiner's new book, "Goodnight, Nobody" is the worst book she has ever written...and i read all her previous books which I really, really enjoyed....we had Whole Foods sushi (which was actually quite good), etamame, salad, and a variety of desserts....the gals were all very nice and chatty....although I was the oldest maid there by at least 5 years....one of them told a story about hooking up recently with a 20 year old junior from Univ. of FL--I cannot imagine myself even being tempted by a 20 year old collegian at this point in my life--even if he was the heir to a massive billion dollar fortune!! :)

It was a rainy, rainy afternoon, so my boys did not get their usual post-work walk....so needless to say, they were pretty pissed off and decided to be naughty boys (barking or wrestling loudly while mama was trying to take a cat nap, etc.) Tonight while I was settling in to watch my pre-bedtime hours of tv, I turned around to catch Cooper in the midst of chewing a fist sized hole in my new christmas throw blanket....I guess he is still retaliating for being denied his walk......

Thank God tomorrow is Wednesday already....I couldn't bear the thought of having 4 more days of work ahead of me....(why must I be destined to hate every job I have????!!!)

This post was in honor of Cosmo's request...I bet she didn't think I would come through, but I always come through in a pinch!

posted by Key Lime Pie @ 10:18 PM 33 comments
Monday, January 16, 2006
New Year's Resolutions

Okay, so this post is a bit late...like over two weeks tardy. I don't want to bore any of you with my ridiculous plans to become a better person in 2006, however since nobody has posted in weeks and those of you who know me can attempt to keep me in line, I thought I'd go ahead and jot them down (in no particular order and written to myself for reaffirmation):

1) Get fit again. You are a much healthier, happier, more confident person when you are in top shape. It's not that hard. Your body reacts quickly to exercise - do it. You need at least five cardio sessions and three days of weights weekly.

2) Provided you make it through this week's impending layoffs, embrace your newly assigned position despite the fact that it is not the job of your dreams. Do whatever you need to do to be successful in the program and then you can reevaluate in a year. Try to have a positive attitude...even when people suck.

3) Be the best doggie mommy you can be. This includes, but is not limited to, spending plenty of time each day walking, playing ball, chasing, taking the little guy to new places (dogpark, nature trails, maybe even a beach trip w/ KLP Martini?), and taking good care of him in terms of brushing his teeth, clipping his nails, etc.

4) Read. Yes, read. YIKES!! You should be proud to announce that you have already read one book this month (and no it wasn't a Babysitter's Club or Sweet Valley High.) While it's probably best not to place an exact number of books to complete for 2006, you should at least quadruple the number you read in 2005 (which should be easy, that would leave you with just three more to go and 11.5 months to accomplish the task.)

5) Do better than just send your grandfather (your only grandparent) cards monthly and for holidays - shoot for every two weeks. Try to schedule a trip to visit or visit dad at the same time he'll be in town. Send him pictures too.

6) See family more often. Keep in better touch with cousins. Don't dread the annual reunion.

7) Give guys a chance. A real chance. Even if they aren't 6'4 and ripped. Try to have a little more faith in men. They aren't all like the evil man who caused so much pain in '04/05.

8) Speaking of, try to stop taking joy in the fact that his (man mentioned above) team has no shot at a winning season as they are currently 2-14. You know what? Never mind. That IS funny and you shouldn't stop finding amusement in his failures.

9) Take up golf.

10) Quit picking at your nails when bored/nervous. It's a bad habit and creates the need for numerous manicures and polish touch-ups.

11) Take risks. Go to one of those alumni happy hours you are always getting emails for. Meet up with the people you email but never hang out with. Do something un-Cosmo-like that surprises everyone.

12) Save more money.

13) Eat more regularly. Your food intake isn't your problem - it's your lack thereof. Try going back to six small meals a day. Take vitamins. Drink lots and lots of water. Who cares if you have to leave your desk to go potty every twenty minutes.

14) Go out more often - not necessarily "out out" but out in general. Hang out with friends. Meet new people.

15) Do community service work.

16) Deal with stress in a constructive fashion. Screaming at people, crying, and cutting everyone out of your world are not the best solutions.

17) Get your new place unpacked and set-up once and for all! Buy those last few things you need to make it feel like a home. Do not let it get to your one-year anniversary and not have the place finished.

18) Blog at least once a week...even if it's just an uneventful update or a funny story swiped from a news website.

Okay, that's it for now, I think. I will update later if I come up with anything else...

A late addition, but no less important - 19) Make out with someone - anyone - in 2006. Okay, maybe not just anyone: must be male, fairly attractive, and somewhat interesting. Cannot be recycled goods, no matter how tempting a few of those might be.

posted by Cosmopolitan @ 6:06 PM 30 comments
Monday, December 26, 2005
Happy Holidays, SL Fans!!

I am breaking the drought that seems to have touched down upon SL ground.....today has been my 5th consecutive day off from work......and how sweet the time off has been! Over the extended weekend I managed to squeeze in 3 movies--two in the theater and 1 on PPV....a quick Siskell and Ebert recap: The Perfect Man: starring Hilary Duff (pre-anorexia days) and Heather Locklear--Ruling: 1.5 Thumbs Up. The flimsy plot line of this movie was somewhat saved by the appearance of Chris Noth, who was surprisingly non-creepy (compared to his S&TC days) as the romantic lead...there was also a bit of nostalgia thrown in by seeing Hilary before she lost 30 lbs and started dating freakishly tattooed Joel Madden....has anyone else ever noticed that Horsey-Tooth Duff does not have a neck???

2nd Movie: The Family Stone. Starring SJParker, Dermott Mulrooney, Rachel McAdams, Luke Wilson, Claire Danes, Diane Keaton. I did really enjoy this movie... a bit predictable, but nice to see such a diverse ensemble cast...1.65 Thumbs Up

3rd Movie: Memoirs of a Geisha. 1.75 Thumbs Up. A visually stunning movie. Dragged on about 20 minutes too long, but very engaging plot nonetheless. Didn't realize there was so much behind the scenes controversey about all the non-Japanese actors hired to play Japanese characters....

I can't believe Saturday is New Year's Eve!! Could an entire year have really gone by?? And could I really have wasted away 2005 without a single significant relationship?????!!!! AHHHH!!! My precious (and dwindling) eggs are shriveling up as I type...sigh........maybe 2006 will bring me my own, "Perfect Man"....or at the very least perfect for me!!

Tomorrow it is back to the cubicle shackles for me....but hopefully not for an entire work day, considering 80% of the office will still be on vacation.....

posted by Key Lime Pie @ 10:23 PM 24 comments
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Lunchtime Blog

My apologies for not blogging since the weekend...it was pointed out to me yesterday and I hate to let the fans down.

So before one of them can get on the site and call me out, I'll go ahead and admit that I asked a couple of martinis for their recommendations for what I could claim to be my favorite book for a bio I have to fill out. For those of you who know me, you know I pretty much stopped reading when I outgrew the Babysitter's Club series...okay, so yeah, after about third grade. I read everything required in high school and college, as well as spent a summer reading books to prove to my mother that I did, in fact, have the ability to read...I just preferred not to. These days the situation is a little different...I'm a little more open to reading, however I don't know WHEN I'd do it. (Note: I have read a couple books since finishing college, however most were forced (as in I was stuck at an airport and had already read every decent magazine for sale) or I've read sports-themed books (the organization this bio is for would not be impressed.) Anyway, thanks for your recommendations ladies - I'll let you know what I select (may come down to a coin flip!)

Okay, guess what? Baby's daddy is officially a baby's daddy! Or maybe not, as I haven't been informed of the test results. The baby did, however, come out with a few shared features, so I'm betting it's his for sure. That didn't stop him from calling the Friday night before or every night since.

Thought this would be a lengthy blog, but I just received an email from my new boss telling me he'd be over to chat around 1:30...since I'm not at the office right now, I best be heading back. Sorry - more soon I hope!

posted by Cosmopolitan @ 12:54 PM 22 comments
Monday, December 12, 2005
Martini on the Strip..........

On Friday I booked a ticket to Vegas for New Year's Eve!! For those who really know me, you know that I am an insatiable closet poker addict! On my last trip to Vegas (courtesy of a work trip) I managed to squeeze in 2 back to back all-night poker benders, but returned home triumphant (this was after a very bad first night where I dragged myself home at 7 am minus over $500!). I have been playing for a little over a year now, and used to play in cash games quite often (by often I mean like 4+ times a week) before I moved to Atlanta....now I just play in free tournaments at local bars, where the risk is zero and the fun is just enough to keep my poker "twitches" under control.

I will try to squeeze in some other non-gambling fun while I'm there, since I'll be helping a friend who is getting married next year look for a wedding dress. Sadly, she is 6 years younger than me, yet is already alter-bound....young love...if only I had found it while I was still young! We will be ringing in the New Year at a still undecided location on the strip....luckily my friend's mom lives in Vegas, so we have a free place to stay....although something tells me I will spend most of my time glued to a poker table and not ever sleeping in a bed.....I am never so wired as I am when I am at the tables....I go for 12-14 hr stretches of playing without a break (of course there are dozens and dozens of dashes to the bathroom during this time--damn Casinos for hiding bathrooms deep within the recesses of the casino floor!!)

I once contemplated (ok, maybe just fantasized) moving to Vegas and becoming a poker dealer so I could eat, sleep and breathe that which brings me so much exhiliration....when I found out what the average poker dealer makes, my dreams were quickly snuffed out....my boys and I have grown accustomed to a certain life of leisure that wouldn't nearly be propped up by a dealer salary....

posted by Key Lime Pie @ 10:47 PM 4 comments
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Space bugs?

TV has reached a new low. Currently there is a movie on TNT about space arachnids trying to destroy the earth and the armed forces of the world uniting to destroy them. Denise Richards is one of the headliners. Oh Denise, how far you have fallen. Yikes.

Of course I'm watching it - which speaks even worse of me. I'm blaming it on the massive amount of cold medicine I've ingested over the past two days. Being sick SUCKS.

posted by Dirty Martini @ 12:06 PM 4 comments
It's Been Awhile...

...so I thought I'd give a quick update on what's been going on, as well as some other random thoughts.

So I'm taking the big GMAT tomorrow morning. I studied for awhile at work on Friday...that's about it. I'm expecting great things with all of the effort I've put into this :) Something interesting has developed at work, however, allowing me (actually pretty much forcing me) to put off school until the fall anyway, so luckily I will have plenty of additional opportunities to retake if necessary.

Speaking of the interesting work development, I begin a new job (same company) on Tuesday. Yikes! It's going to be quite challenging, but I think it will be equally rewarding (which is more than I can say about my current role.) I start official training in Feb - lasts 5 months - and after I've already been told I should expect the headhunters to crawl out of the woodwork. That's always nice to hear, not that I intend to leave (I'm pretty happy with my 3 min commute to the office!)

I'm sick again. AGAIN. I blame work. We had a big event last week and I spent many late nights at the office the week before. The actual event started so early each morning and was simply exhausting, thus I haven't worked out much. I seem to get sick when I'm not working out every day. The madness ends tomorrow!!

Attended my first Homeowner's Association meeting yesterday - wow - such drama! I couldn't believe that grown men and women (I was definitely one of the two youngest there) were yelling at each other and swearing about pressure washing stucco (sp?) WHO CARES?! I found myself laughing out loud several times, which resulted in several dirty looks. Oh well, these people are just my neighbors...hopefully they won't slash my tires.

Alright, I have to say it. I love college football. It's emotional, competitive, and exciting and I would venture to say it controls my life during the fall months...still, I must ask if there are not more important issues in this world for Congress to spend their time solving... There. I said it.

Okay, time to try to go take a practice test...Real World/Road Rules Challenge is on though, which could prove to be a problem. Maybe if I practice the tests with distractions, I'll do even better tomorrow when the room is nice and quiet??

posted by Cosmopolitan @ 7:29 AM 3 comments