Sober Living

Sucks for Tara Reid

2006-08-30T21:57:00.000-05:00

I think most of ya'll have seen this but just in case...

Clink on this link from TMZ - D-List Tara

Tomorrow Morning

2006-04-04T12:23:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow morning (Wednesday, April 5th) at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be:

01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again --- ever.

Kinda cool. Okay, so maybe I'm just easily amused these days...

2006-03-29T15:12:00.000-05:00

Fuck everyone. Seriously. I'm done.

Job

2006-03-28T20:18:00.000-05:00

My job sucks.

Unusual Text Message

2006-03-14T21:59:00.000-05:00

So I texted DM from across the room tonight. I'm fairly confident that only a handful of people, if any, have sent the same message in the history of texting: "I'm pretty sure that giraffe is racist."

Don't ask. It did, however, give me one of those "don't laugh in the middle of church" type of giggles. I love text messages! :)

Resolution Update

2006-03-13T19:35:00.000-05:00

1) Get fit again. You are a much healthier, happier, more confident person when you are in top shape. It's not that hard. Your body reacts quickly to exercise - do it. You need at least five cardio sessions and three days of weights weekly. Failing. HOWEVER, as I told KLP Martini today, I've decided to pretend as though I am still getting married in terms of getting skinny starting TODAY. KLP better scold me if I fail to report a workout to her every morning. In addition, any martini who wants to workout at any given point in time, give me a call - especially now that the weather is warming up and a certain doggie loves to get outside!!

2) Provided you make it through this week's impending layoffs, embrace your newly assigned position despite the fact that it is not the job of your dreams. Do whatever you need to do to be successful in the program and then you can reevaluate in a year. Try to have a positive attitude...even when people suck. Failing...as of today. I have been disenchanted for quite some time, but today was a final straw of sorts. I won't go into details, but lets just say I'm tired of being screwed b/c I'm a young female. Resume getting updated this week and will be sent out by the weekend...

3) Be the best doggie mommy you can be. This includes, but is not limited to, spending plenty of time each day walking, playing ball, chasing, taking the little guy to new places (dogpark, nature trails, maybe even a beach trip w/ KLP Martini?), and taking good care of him in terms of brushing his teeth, clipping his nails, etc. In progress! My doggie has been to the dogpark a few times, had a boys night w/ KLP's dogs, visited grandma's, and run at a nearby school. Still no beach trip, but we'll see. Maybe a day at the lake instead?

4) Read. Yes, read. YIKES!! You should be proud to announce that you have already read one book this month (and no it wasn't a Babysitter's Club or Sweet Valley High.) While it's probably best not to place an exact number of books to complete for 2006, you should at least quadruple the number you read in 2005 (which should be easy, that would leave you with just three more to go and 11.5 months to accomplish the task.) Failing. Although I read a book in Jan, the count still stands at one. I'm not even sure where I put the second book I was planning to read.

5) Do better than just send your grandfather (your only grandparent) cards monthly and for holidays - shoot for every two weeks. Try to schedule a trip to visit or visit dad at the same time he'll be in town. Send him pictures too. In progress. Unfortunately I wasn't able to see him when he was visiting a state away due to work constraints. I have, however, sent cards and notes. I may even slip a recent pic of the pup and me in the mail w/ his St. Pat's card tomorrow.

6) See family more often. Keep in better touch with cousins. Don't dread the annual reunion. Hmmm...failing. At least the reunion is at the beach!

7) Give guys a chance. A real chance. Even if they aren't 6'4 and ripped. Try to have a little more faith in men. They aren't all like the evil man who caused so much pain in '04/05. Failing. Shocker.

8) Speaking of, try to stop taking joy in the fact that his (man mentioned above) team has no shot at a winning season as they are currently 2-14. You know what? Never mind. That IS funny and you shouldn't stop finding amusement in his failures. Hahahaha. His team won like 3 games all season. Seriously. Hahahahaha.

9) Take up golf. Weather is now warmer and more conducive to learning golf. Will make it a goal to really play for the first time during the family reunion or when visiting dad this spring/summer.

10) Quit picking at your nails when bored/nervous. It's a bad habit and creates the need for numerous manicures and polish touch-ups. Sort-of passing. No longer picking at my nails, but still picking at nail polish.

11) Take risks. Go to one of those alumni happy hours you are always getting emails for. Meet up with the people you email but never hang out with. Do something un-Cosmo-like that surprises everyone. I've been drunk twice already this year. Drinking some during the week too...I blame work, but hey, it's un-Cosmo like so at least I can check off this resolution! Haven't gone to an alumni happy hour yet (in my defense I was out of town for the only one I've heard about.) Have seen more of people than last year, but still not nearly enough.

12) Save more money. If saving more money means giving a loan to Ann Taylor Loft, this one is a success!

13) Eat more regularly. Your food intake isn't your problem - it's your lack thereof. Try going back to six small meals a day. Take vitamins. Drink lots and lots of water. Who cares if you have to leave your desk to go potty every twenty minutes. Failing...see #1 - will change starting now!

14) Go out more often - not necessarily "out out" but out in general. Hang out with friends. Meet new people. See #11.

15) Do community service work. Passed! If I don't lift a finger in the community for the rest of 2006, I've already completed this task...and then some!

16) Deal with stress in a constructive fashion. Screaming at people, crying, and cutting everyone out of your world are not the best solutions. Hmmmm....talk to me when I have a new job. And if you know of any available jobs, by the way, let me know!!

17) Get your new place unpacked and set-up once and for all! Buy those last few things you need to make it feel like a home. Do not let it get to your one-year anniversary and not have the place finished. In progress - finally bought one rug (need another), and a shower curtain and bath mat for one of the bathrooms. Still need another rug, a file cabinet, a new hot water heater (before disaster strikes!), some stuff for the walls, a few plants. Need the wireless internet router set up!

18) Blog at least once a week...even if it's just an uneventful update or a funny story swiped from a news website. Miserably failing - I am so sorry fans of Sober Living. Seriously going to make this one happen!!

19) Make out with someone - anyone - in 2006. Okay, maybe not just anyone: must be male, fairly attractive, and somewhat interesting. Cannot be recycled goods, no matter how tempting a few of those might be. Mission accomplished! :) :) :) :)

Resolution #19...

2006-02-26T13:18:00.000-05:00

...has been accomplished...and then some...

The best part is that I didn't even have to settle for someone less than 6'5, athletic, and HOT. Good job Cosmo!!

Talk to your Doctor about...

2006-01-31T19:38:00.000-05:00

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila(r).

Tequila(r) is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila(r) can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila(r) almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila(r).

Tequila(r) may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila(r). However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila(r). Leave Shyness Behind.(tm)

------------------
This is a forward AM sent me, but since she's having technical difficulties - I thought I'd put it up. (-;

Hooked on Celebrities

2006-01-17T22:18:00.000-05:00

I am now watching the E! Fashion Police review of last night's Golden Globes....last night not only did I watch the entire show (in between the Bachelor of course) I also watched the Red Carpet Pre-Show on both E! and TVGuide Network (hosted by Joan and Melissa).

On one hand it must be so dreadful to be micro-scrutinized when you are a celebrity...but on the other hand, they get all that free stuff (gift bags, free couture gowns, millions in jewelry, etc.) so I don't feel too badly for them..... what I would give to have their life rather than my mundane cubicle existence......ah well.........at least I can stuff my face full of cream puffs at night and not have to see the consequences splayed out across tabloids the next day.........

Tonight I went to my first Book Club gathering...the book we had chosen was horrible....Jennifer Weiner's new book, "Goodnight, Nobody" is the worst book she has ever written...and i read all her previous books which I really, really enjoyed....we had Whole Foods sushi (which was actually quite good), etamame, salad, and a variety of desserts....the gals were all very nice and chatty....although I was the oldest maid there by at least 5 years....one of them told a story about hooking up recently with a 20 year old junior from Univ. of FL--I cannot imagine myself even being tempted by a 20 year old collegian at this point in my life--even if he was the heir to a massive billion dollar fortune!! :)

It was a rainy, rainy afternoon, so my boys did not get their usual post-work walk....so needless to say, they were pretty pissed off and decided to be naughty boys (barking or wrestling loudly while mama was trying to take a cat nap, etc.) Tonight while I was settling in to watch my pre-bedtime hours of tv, I turned around to catch Cooper in the midst of chewing a fist sized hole in my new christmas throw blanket....I guess he is still retaliating for being denied his walk......

Thank God tomorrow is Wednesday already....I couldn't bear the thought of having 4 more days of work ahead of me....(why must I be destined to hate every job I have????!!!)

This post was in honor of Cosmo's request...I bet she didn't think I would come through, but I always come through in a pinch!

New Year's Resolutions

2006-01-16T18:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this post is a bit late...like over two weeks tardy. I don't want to bore any of you with my ridiculous plans to become a better person in 2006, however since nobody has posted in weeks and those of you who know me can attempt to keep me in line, I thought I'd go ahead and jot them down (in no particular order and written to myself for reaffirmation):

1) Get fit again. You are a much healthier, happier, more confident person when you are in top shape. It's not that hard. Your body reacts quickly to exercise - do it. You need at least five cardio sessions and three days of weights weekly.

2) Provided you make it through this week's impending layoffs, embrace your newly assigned position despite the fact that it is not the job of your dreams. Do whatever you need to do to be successful in the program and then you can reevaluate in a year. Try to have a positive attitude...even when people suck.

3) Be the best doggie mommy you can be. This includes, but is not limited to, spending plenty of time each day walking, playing ball, chasing, taking the little guy to new places (dogpark, nature trails, maybe even a beach trip w/ KLP Martini?), and taking good care of him in terms of brushing his teeth, clipping his nails, etc.

4) Read. Yes, read. YIKES!! You should be proud to announce that you have already read one book this month (and no it wasn't a Babysitter's Club or Sweet Valley High.) While it's probably best not to place an exact number of books to complete for 2006, you should at least quadruple the number you read in 2005 (which should be easy, that would leave you with just three more to go and 11.5 months to accomplish the task.)

5) Do better than just send your grandfather (your only grandparent) cards monthly and for holidays - shoot for every two weeks. Try to schedule a trip to visit or visit dad at the same time he'll be in town. Send him pictures too.

6) See family more often. Keep in better touch with cousins. Don't dread the annual reunion.

7) Give guys a chance. A real chance. Even if they aren't 6'4 and ripped. Try to have a little more faith in men. They aren't all like the evil man who caused so much pain in '04/05.

8) Speaking of, try to stop taking joy in the fact that his (man mentioned above) team has no shot at a winning season as they are currently 2-14. You know what? Never mind. That IS funny and you shouldn't stop finding amusement in his failures.

9) Take up golf.

10) Quit picking at your nails when bored/nervous. It's a bad habit and creates the need for numerous manicures and polish touch-ups.

11) Take risks. Go to one of those alumni happy hours you are always getting emails for. Meet up with the people you email but never hang out with. Do something un-Cosmo-like that surprises everyone.

12) Save more money.

13) Eat more regularly. Your food intake isn't your problem - it's your lack thereof. Try going back to six small meals a day. Take vitamins. Drink lots and lots of water. Who cares if you have to leave your desk to go potty every twenty minutes.

14) Go out more often - not necessarily "out out" but out in general. Hang out with friends. Meet new people.

15) Do community service work.

16) Deal with stress in a constructive fashion. Screaming at people, crying, and cutting everyone out of your world are not the best solutions.

17) Get your new place unpacked and set-up once and for all! Buy those last few things you need to make it feel like a home. Do not let it get to your one-year anniversary and not have the place finished.

18) Blog at least once a week...even if it's just an uneventful update or a funny story swiped from a news website.

Okay, that's it for now, I think. I will update later if I come up with anything else...

A late addition, but no less important - 19) Make out with someone - anyone - in 2006. Okay, maybe not just anyone: must be male, fairly attractive, and somewhat interesting. Cannot be recycled goods, no matter how tempting a few of those might be.

Happy Holidays, SL Fans!!

2005-12-26T22:23:00.000-05:00

I am breaking the drought that seems to have touched down upon SL ground.....today has been my 5th consecutive day off from work......and how sweet the time off has been! Over the extended weekend I managed to squeeze in 3 movies--two in the theater and 1 on PPV....a quick Siskell and Ebert recap: The Perfect Man: starring Hilary Duff (pre-anorexia days) and Heather Locklear--Ruling: 1.5 Thumbs Up. The flimsy plot line of this movie was somewhat saved by the appearance of Chris Noth, who was surprisingly non-creepy (compared to his S&TC days) as the romantic lead...there was also a bit of nostalgia thrown in by seeing Hilary before she lost 30 lbs and started dating freakishly tattooed Joel Madden....has anyone else ever noticed that Horsey-Tooth Duff does not have a neck???

2nd Movie: The Family Stone. Starring SJParker, Dermott Mulrooney, Rachel McAdams, Luke Wilson, Claire Danes, Diane Keaton. I did really enjoy this movie... a bit predictable, but nice to see such a diverse ensemble cast...1.65 Thumbs Up

3rd Movie: Memoirs of a Geisha. 1.75 Thumbs Up. A visually stunning movie. Dragged on about 20 minutes too long, but very engaging plot nonetheless. Didn't realize there was so much behind the scenes controversey about all the non-Japanese actors hired to play Japanese characters....

I can't believe Saturday is New Year's Eve!! Could an entire year have really gone by?? And could I really have wasted away 2005 without a single significant relationship?????!!!! AHHHH!!! My precious (and dwindling) eggs are shriveling up as I type...sigh........maybe 2006 will bring me my own, "Perfect Man"....or at the very least perfect for me!!

Tomorrow it is back to the cubicle shackles for me....but hopefully not for an entire work day, considering 80% of the office will still be on vacation.....

Lunchtime Blog

2005-12-15T12:54:00.000-05:00

My apologies for not blogging since the weekend...it was pointed out to me yesterday and I hate to let the fans down.

So before one of them can get on the site and call me out, I'll go ahead and admit that I asked a couple of martinis for their recommendations for what I could claim to be my favorite book for a bio I have to fill out. For those of you who know me, you know I pretty much stopped reading when I outgrew the Babysitter's Club series...okay, so yeah, after about third grade. I read everything required in high school and college, as well as spent a summer reading books to prove to my mother that I did, in fact, have the ability to read...I just preferred not to. These days the situation is a little different...I'm a little more open to reading, however I don't know WHEN I'd do it. (Note: I have read a couple books since finishing college, however most were forced (as in I was stuck at an airport and had already read every decent magazine for sale) or I've read sports-themed books (the organization this bio is for would not be impressed.) Anyway, thanks for your recommendations ladies - I'll let you know what I select (may come down to a coin flip!)

Okay, guess what? Baby's daddy is officially a baby's daddy! Or maybe not, as I haven't been informed of the test results. The baby did, however, come out with a few shared features, so I'm betting it's his for sure. That didn't stop him from calling the Friday night before or every night since.

Thought this would be a lengthy blog, but I just received an email from my new boss telling me he'd be over to chat around 1:30...since I'm not at the office right now, I best be heading back. Sorry - more soon I hope!

Martini on the Strip..........

2005-12-12T22:47:00.000-05:00

On Friday I booked a ticket to Vegas for New Year's Eve!! For those who really know me, you know that I am an insatiable closet poker addict! On my last trip to Vegas (courtesy of a work trip) I managed to squeeze in 2 back to back all-night poker benders, but returned home triumphant (this was after a very bad first night where I dragged myself home at 7 am minus over $500!). I have been playing for a little over a year now, and used to play in cash games quite often (by often I mean like 4+ times a week) before I moved to Atlanta....now I just play in free tournaments at local bars, where the risk is zero and the fun is just enough to keep my poker "twitches" under control.

I will try to squeeze in some other non-gambling fun while I'm there, since I'll be helping a friend who is getting married next year look for a wedding dress. Sadly, she is 6 years younger than me, yet is already alter-bound....young love...if only I had found it while I was still young! We will be ringing in the New Year at a still undecided location on the strip....luckily my friend's mom lives in Vegas, so we have a free place to stay....although something tells me I will spend most of my time glued to a poker table and not ever sleeping in a bed.....I am never so wired as I am when I am at the tables....I go for 12-14 hr stretches of playing without a break (of course there are dozens and dozens of dashes to the bathroom during this time--damn Casinos for hiding bathrooms deep within the recesses of the casino floor!!)

I once contemplated (ok, maybe just fantasized) moving to Vegas and becoming a poker dealer so I could eat, sleep and breathe that which brings me so much exhiliration....when I found out what the average poker dealer makes, my dreams were quickly snuffed out....my boys and I have grown accustomed to a certain life of leisure that wouldn't nearly be propped up by a dealer salary....

Space bugs?

2005-12-11T12:06:00.000-05:00

TV has reached a new low. Currently there is a movie on TNT about space arachnids trying to destroy the earth and the armed forces of the world uniting to destroy them. Denise Richards is one of the headliners. Oh Denise, how far you have fallen. Yikes.

Of course I'm watching it - which speaks even worse of me. I'm blaming it on the massive amount of cold medicine I've ingested over the past two days. Being sick SUCKS.

It's Been Awhile...

2005-12-11T07:29:00.000-05:00

...so I thought I'd give a quick update on what's been going on, as well as some other random thoughts.

So I'm taking the big GMAT tomorrow morning. I studied for awhile at work on Friday...that's about it. I'm expecting great things with all of the effort I've put into this :) Something interesting has developed at work, however, allowing me (actually pretty much forcing me) to put off school until the fall anyway, so luckily I will have plenty of additional opportunities to retake if necessary.

Speaking of the interesting work development, I begin a new job (same company) on Tuesday. Yikes! It's going to be quite challenging, but I think it will be equally rewarding (which is more than I can say about my current role.) I start official training in Feb - lasts 5 months - and after I've already been told I should expect the headhunters to crawl out of the woodwork. That's always nice to hear, not that I intend to leave (I'm pretty happy with my 3 min commute to the office!)

I'm sick again. AGAIN. I blame work. We had a big event last week and I spent many late nights at the office the week before. The actual event started so early each morning and was simply exhausting, thus I haven't worked out much. I seem to get sick when I'm not working out every day. The madness ends tomorrow!!

Attended my first Homeowner's Association meeting yesterday - wow - such drama! I couldn't believe that grown men and women (I was definitely one of the two youngest there) were yelling at each other and swearing about pressure washing stucco (sp?) WHO CARES?! I found myself laughing out loud several times, which resulted in several dirty looks. Oh well, these people are just my neighbors...hopefully they won't slash my tires.

Alright, I have to say it. I love college football. It's emotional, competitive, and exciting and I would venture to say it controls my life during the fall months...still, I must ask if there are not more important issues in this world for Congress to spend their time solving... There. I said it.

Okay, time to try to go take a practice test...Real World/Road Rules Challenge is on though, which could prove to be a problem. Maybe if I practice the tests with distractions, I'll do even better tomorrow when the room is nice and quiet??

That Thing You Do (or Didn't Do.......)

2005-12-06T19:27:00.000-05:00

I am devastated.......Christina Applegate and her husband of 4 years have filed for divorce....we all remember Christina's infamous Kelly Bundy character on Married w/ Children.....but not everyone may instantly recall Jonathan Schaech's claim to fame.......he was the complete square in the movie "That Thing You Do" about a boy band in the 60's....Liv Tyler was in it, as was Tom Hanks....oh, Jonathan was also briefly in the Party of 5 spinoff starring J.Love Hewitt.......(I've been a lifelong couch potato, if you haven't gathered by now)

I always thought C & J seemed to have a grounded, "real" marriage, despite their Hollywood background.......what is it about the short expiration period that dooms so many Hollywood marriages? Are they just so bombarded by other options, that they tend to throw in the towel much quicker to trade in/up? Does that mean that normal civilians stick with marriages longer than they should, simply because they don't think they could do any better??

The Girls Next Door........

2005-12-05T23:43:00.000-05:00

I've decided to break the blog draught and give Cosmo some blogging company.....tonight I am camped out on the couch (like most nights) watching one of my favorite reality shows, "The Girls Next Door". What a great show......there is just something so charming and-gasp-shall I dare say innocent, about these 3 gals.....despite the fact that it is creepy that Hef is 80 years old, and his girlfriends are 25, 31, and 20 (in respective pecking order rank), overall the show is just so sweet and refreshing to watch.....maybe I just envy the girls' charmed, worry-free life....the fact that they never have to step foot in a dreary, life-sucking cube is enough to make me eternally envious.......I don't even think I have a favorite Hefner GF...they each have something about their personality that is endearing.....Holly is always composed, articulate, and always draws the greatest illustrations for the tops of the birthday cakes they have at the Playboy Mansion...Bridgette is always sweet, loves her family, and has a sensitive side (she cried when she found out the other gals got photos taken for the magazine when she had to run off to take a final)..she's also a huge dog lover, which makes me an instant fan....Kendra is the consummate tom-boy (with the killer body of course) and always speaks her mind..she struts her stuff around but never seems conceited or full of herself..she is the first to laugh at herself when she says or does something dumb.....

Well, now the show is over, so I guess I will turn in for the night.....I guess if my life can't be quite as glamorous as the Girls Next Door, I can at least relish in watching their life on TV.....(plus I'd never trade my two snoring Jacks next to me on the couch for even the wealthiest of 80-year old men ;)

Things That Can't Be Good

2005-12-01T07:55:00.000-05:00

1. I haven't been able to open my mailbox since the day before Thanksgiving. I think the lock may have been changed. The management office won't get back to me. I hate decided to hate them (and bill them for anything I'm charged for my bills being late.)

2. The VP of my group had a starring role in my dream last night. He came into my bedroom (which was actually my bedroom from high school) and woke me up. Made me sit up and he climbed into bed and stretched out, hands propping up his head. He wanted to chat about some of the slides I'm working on for him for an upcoming presentation. Too weird.

3. I had to win my dog's affection back last night with a slice of cheese. He was so irritated with me after leaving him alone for 12 hours (yes, I'm working too much.) Plus, I haven't been able to get home to him during lunch either, which made him extra mad. Poor little guy...luckily cheese did the trick.

4. I haven't started studying for the GMAT. Today is 12/1. I take it first thing in the morning 12/12. Ugh.

5. I have a baby shower to attend tomorrow - haven't purchased a gift. I have a gathering to go to tomorrow night - haven't bought wine, prepared a dish, bought a hostess gift. My job really interferes with life.

6. Speaking of, I haven't talked to any friends (outside of the one I work with) all week. I have had minimal email contact as well. I haven't even called my father back and he called last Thurs. Ahhhhhhhh.

7. I have gained weight. I have no time to workout. If I don't start working out soon, I'm going to fall deeper into depression (I make for a horrible fat girl.)

8. The VP of HR spent considerable time in our group VP's office yesterday. There's a shakeup on the horizon...

9. I still don't officially have tickets for a big event on Sat...and I have someone planning to attend with me whom I think might think this is more than just going to something together as friends. Ick. Been there, done that.

10. Baby's daddy called last night. I ignored. Oh, by the way, he's been emailing. I'm afraid I might give in soon. Help! (Although the actual birth of his child might help stop me!)

11. I have to go get dressed for work and dry my hair. I probably should be at the office already. Oh well.

Warning To Ladies:

2005-11-29T19:35:00.000-05:00

Don't be fooled by his condom wrapper - this brand name might be a bit misleading...
http://www.wsbtv.com/health/5427059/detail.html

I Don't Wanna

2005-11-29T07:14:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here reading blogs and checking email, pretending as though I don't have a shower to take or makeup to apply. I'm not really sure why, as all this will accomplish is making me late to the office when I've got a million things to accomplish today. Still, it's allowing me a few minutes of happiness before I head to my jail cell...

I Should Have Known Better

2005-11-28T22:09:00.000-05:00

I had a feeling I shouldn't watch it...but I did anyway (in another desperate attempt to avoid studying for the GMAT.) Not sure if any of ya'll have seen previews for the TNT/Johnson & Johnson TV movie titled "The Engagement Ring". It premiered tonight and I was dumb enough to tune in. I should have known better, after finding myself somewhat emotional over the Thanksgiving and beginning to dread facing the upcoming holidays alone. It was a cute little movie, unless you're me. This won't mean anything to those who have yet to catch it, but I returned my engagement ring to my Brian...where the heck is my Tony? Wish he'd show up sooner rather than later (and be rich so I don't have to go into the prison that my office has become...)

Rainy Days and Monday Always Bring Me Down......

2005-11-28T21:15:00.000-05:00

How can I put into words how miserable it was to drag myself out of bed this morning to return to my M-F prison camp? Is it so much to ask not to feel utter dread every time I begin the all-too-short commute to work? I even find myself pulling over for coffee (even though I'm not really a coffee drinker) just to stall for more time before resigning myself to the torturous confines of my cube.......

Everyone always says that one of the keys to being happy at work (or at least a key in making it tolerable) is working with people that you like. My work place is a double edged sword in that respect--I do like some of the people I work with, but then there is a small percentage that seem to make every encounter as painful and excruciating as a long, drawn out root canal........one of my co-workers in particular really grates on my every last nerve.......I like to think that I've mellowed out in my years, and have learned to let most irritating, obnoxious behaviors just roll off me........but this one woman I have learned to love to hate........she is the type of person that seems to live by the motto: "If I am permanently unhappy, then I want everyone around me to be unhappy as well" Yes, she is the ultimate sourpuss, naysayer, and antagonist all rolled into one bottom-heavy package. Today in a meeting I sat across from her, and couldn't help but return her sneers eye for eye........I am done trying to be cordial and friendly to someone who is so bitter and unfriendly......just talking about her sucks all the positive lifeblood out of me, so I think I'm going to stop ranting........oh, in case I find the need to rant about her in future postings, I will from here on refer to her as the Wicked Witch of the West, or WWW for short. (If you slapped some green paint onto her scowling face she'd be a dead ringer.)

And here I though cold sores were the worst thing you could get from kissing a guy....yikes!

2005-11-28T15:57:00.000-05:00

Peanut Allergy Makes Kiss Deadly
Monday, November 28, 2005

SAGUENAY, Quebec — A 15-year-old girl with a peanut allergy died after kissing her boyfriend, who had just eaten a peanut butter snack, hospital officials said Monday.

Christina Desforges died in a Quebec hospital Wednesday after doctors were unable to treat her allergic reaction to the kiss the previous weekend.

Desforges, who lived in Saguenay, about 155 miles north of Quebec City, was almost immediately given a shot of adrenaline, a standard tool for treating the anaphylactic shock brought on by a peanut allergy, officials said.

An autopsy was being performed. Dr. Nina Verreault, an allergist at the Chicoutimi Hospital in Saguenay, declined to comment on the case.

The symptoms of peanut allergy can include hives, plunging blood pressure and swelling of the face and throat, which can block breathing.

Peanut allergies have been rising in recent decades. The reason remains unclear but one study found that baby creams or lotions with peanut oil may cause children to develop allergies later in life.

About 1.5 million Americans are severely allergic to even the smallest trace of peanuts and peanut allergies account for 50 to 100 deaths in the United States each year. Canadian figures were not immediately available.

Story from Fox News

Girls Gone Wild (at Saks of course)...

2005-11-27T17:29:00.000-05:00

Hello all. This is a post for all you Atlanta girls. Just got an invite in the mail that is open to everyone - so please RSVP and take advantage if you are interested! (food, booze and LOTS of free samples at every counter - no ticket fee)Any of you who want to come are welcome to meet up with me there. Its one of Junior League's "shop-hops" and they are always LOTS of fun. The last one was at David Yurman - and it was soooo much fun.

Hope to see some of you there! See below......

SAKS FIFTH AVENUE invites you to meet illustrious experts from the world of beauty at Atlanta's star studded event: [they should get points for using the word illustrious...good word]

BRUSHES WITH GREATNESS

Join us for cocktails, hor d'oeuvres, music and special activities on Thursday December 1st, 11am to 7pm in the Cosmetics Department

Please call 404.467.5401 to register for the event and schedule an appointment with a beauty expert. [I've got an appointment at the Chanel and Trish counters]

**A percentage of the event proceeds will be donated to the Junior League of Atlanta, Inc. and the Atlanta Botanical Garden** [yea JLA!]

Uh-oh

2005-11-27T11:50:00.000-05:00

So I ditched Punk'd b/c it wasn't as fun when they were finished punking the hot guy from Buffy, Kristen from Laguna Beach, and TO. I'm now watching "Fools Rush In" and I think the moral of the story might be that I need to have a one night stand and get knocked up in order to find the man of my dreams. Apparently "Jerry Maguire" is coming on after this ends, thus assisting my procrastination efforts even more. The GMAT book IS sitting on the coffee table in front of me. That counts, right?

I Have a New Appreciation for...

2005-11-27T11:09:00.000-05:00

...MTV's Punk'd. Okay, not really. I have never once been interested, however it is completely fascinating compared to studying for the GMAT. Hopefully this isn't some sort of marathon...

Getting Down to Business...

2005-11-27T09:41:00.000-05:00

First, let me just say that KLPM loves the title of my post. She is the only one who knows exactly how to read the headline properly and she's laughing thinking about a phone call from a co-worker in Vegas awhile back...

So, here I am two weeks away from the GMAT and I haven't picked up my book or taken a practice test since August. Ugh. I'm not even motivated to do so (sorry KLPM) and I can't really explain my urge to procrastinate. Maybe it's because I'm so overworked already that I cannot fathom trying to squeeze school into my schedule. Would I even ever be able to make it to class on time? Probably not. Would the whole two hours I feel like I have to myself each day before I head to bed be spent studying or writing papers or reading case studies? Probably so. Eek. Is it even worth it?

Okay, so failure is not an option so I must set aside a couple hours a day (those two I'm awake and not working) to studying. Today will be dedicated to studying and only studying...in other words, expect a few more posts later in the day!

AHHHHH

2005-11-24T17:32:00.000-05:00

I'm in internet HELL. My mom still has dial-up. AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It's a Girl!! .....(a new tini is born!)

2005-11-23T11:27:00.000-05:00

I am very honored to be joining S.L. as the newest (though regretably oldest) tini!! I hope random tales of my often drab life can compare to the masterfully crafted stories that are typical on this site....

Today this tini is "working from home" since most of the other co-workers at the office are taking today off....I may try to motivate and get some housework done today....but then again, I may just be a complete slacker and do absolutely nothing....my two boys (the four legged variety, of course) are enjoying bonus time with mama this morning...sometimes I think if they weren't quite so hairy and if I didn't outweigh them exponentially, then they could be the perfect boyfriends....they are always happy to see me when I come home at night...they give me unsolicited kisses....they are always up for spooning....and they love long walks in the park! What more could a girl ask for?? Ok, sometimes some stimulating conversation would be nice, but a girl can't be too picky, right?

Well, that is all for this morning....if I find more to ramble about, I could be on for a second posting later today.....Happy Turkey Day to all!

Quick Reflection

2005-11-23T06:46:00.000-05:00

So last year at this time I was packing up a car and picking up my mother in order to set out for a road trip to [ex fiance's town] to spend Thanksgiving with him and my future in-laws. What a waste of vacation days!

Although I had attended numerous family events with them, this was the first time my poor mother was dragged along. I wish she never would have had to been put through it...although, serves her right seeing as she WAS the person putting all the pressure on me to settle down and get married!! :)

Part of me can't help but be a little sad - not about losing him but just about what a different track my life has taken in one short year. It's not necessarily good or bad, just not where I expected to be.

Feeling sentimental I couldn't help but check and see how his basketball team is doing. After three games, they are 0-3. HA. I also found myself getting strangely emotional when I saw the next two games they have on the schedule - it's a tourney this Fri and Sat at a college about an hour away from where I live. It was arranged intentionally so that he and his family could spend the holiday at my place and then we'd all head down to the tourney together.

So, if any of the local martinis see a motley crew of about 15, dressed in jeans and sweatshirts, wandering around aimlessly since the size of their hometown is equal to the number of people living in my condo building, as well as a bunch of super tall teenage boys, please be sure to be nice to everyone BUT the jackass who is leading the crew. (Oh, and please also award me a prize for writing an impressive run-on sentence.)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

It Was Bound To Happen Sometime...

2005-11-20T20:44:00.000-05:00

Saw this guy out last night. Practically walked right into him as I exited a bar to wait outside on the patio while a friend paid her tab. I noticed right away and quickly turned my face and walked as far away as possible without leaving the patio altogether. One of the two girlfriends who had followed me proclaimed "there's a [Cosmo]-guy for you - he's so tall" and I shushed her immediately. I was pretty sure his friend (who I had met on our one date) recognized me and I wasn't sure what to do. Meanwhile, some random guy walked up to us and started talking nonsense, which was actually quite amusing. As he held out his hand to introduce himself, I saw the jerk walking towards my table. I kept my back to him, even as he said "hi [Cosmo]". My girls had huge smiles on their faces and I knew I had to acknowledge his presence, so I turned around and gave a quick "hi". He replied with a simple "I'm sorry." Sorry for prejudging me or sorry for having the nerve to ask me to pass along your resume? Sorry for what?? I was tempted to ask specifically what he was sorry for, but I decided to keep it short and just stated "okay". He was determined to get more out of me - "No, really, I'm sorry." "No worries, we're good" was all I cared to give him. He looked at me as if to say "that's it?" and I gave him a look that flatly conveyed "why the hell are you still sitting next to me?" He said goodbye and hurried off to the safety of his nerdy buddies...one of which popped over shortly thereafter and made a pathetic attempt to talk with me. Luckily the tab had been paid by that point and we were all freezing and ready to move on. I have a feeling I haven't seen the last of either loser.

A bumpy hump day...

2005-11-16T09:44:00.000-05:00

At what point do you finally come to the realization and rationalization that if you stay out til midnight on a school night, the next day will be tough...I mean, it's not like I had too much to drink (this time), but struggling to merely keep my eyes open is just as bad. You know it's going to be a long day when you've checked the clock 48 times before 9am. I felt so much guilt for staying out that when the alarm went off at 5:30am, I actually got up and went to the gym.

Can we start some sort of hotline for wayward SL'ers? I try to be smart, but it is so hard! If only I could dial an 800# and hear a calming voice say one of the following:
"It's ok to stay home on a Tuesday. or It's ok to turn down free drinks from the random cute boys." or
"Press 1 to hear reasons not to stay out past ten.
Press 2 to hear reasons not to eat taco bell at 1 in the morning.
Press 3 to hear why you will hate yourself in the clear light of day.
Press 4 to hear someone describe what a creep that nice guy will turn out to be.
For all other options, hang up the phone and go home you dingbat!"

Well now, thankfully it is lunch time and I can run home to squeeze in a power nap...It's the new power lunch, don't ya know.

A Quick Recap

2005-11-13T09:19:00.000-05:00

I apologize for neglecting the blog this week (although I wasn't the only one...)

Here's a quick recap of the last few days, in no particular order:

Went to my football game last night. Still in shock. So sad.

Got rid of baby's daddy forever. Told him that he should go be a family with the baby's momma and the unborn child. Honestly, who has a couple's baby shower if they aren't already or going to end up as a couple? He says he can go running with me, but we can't go out to dinner, etc until after the baby is born. Tired of being strung along and feeling like a mistress. I deserve better. Didn't help that everyone was talking about him last night before the game b/c he had formerly been the QB for the opposing team. Several people turned to me and asked "You're still dating him, right?" All I could do was shake my head no. I guess they'll figure out what happened when they see him pushing a stroller in a few weeks.

Work is crazy. Many interesting rumors circulating about lay-offs, new divisions, combining of divisions, etc. Everyone is walking around on egg shells and being less productive because of all of the unknowns. My whole team is going to be out of the office this week, so I'm a little worried...

Ex fiance IM'd in all caps "PLEASE TALK TO ME". I ignored. Blocked him. Received phone call next day - also ignored. He left a vm....voice shaking, nose sniffling...apologized for everything. Wants me to call him. No thanks.

I went shopping yesterday morning. Spent money I don't really have. Bad Cosmo. Guess I could have them be Christmas gifts from my mom.

Sent email to blind date boy who was supposed to be visiting next weekend. Told him that I assumed he was not coming (at least I was hoping he wasn't still planning the trip!) Thankfully, he finally wrote back and explained that he had lost his job, blah, blah, blah. Asked me to be sure to let him know the next time I'm down visiting my family so he can "make it up to me." Huh? I was hoping you WOULDN'T visit - no need to make anything up to me.

Okay, this is very un-Cosmo-like, but I think I might go back to bed. Woke up at 6:45 am yesterday and didn't get home until 2-something...yeah, I need more sleep in order to make it through DH and GA tonight!

LifePlan

2005-11-09T16:11:00.000-05:00

The only reason I'm still friends with you guys is that I keep hoping one of you will hit the big-time, and put me on staff like HBO's Entourage. Could ya hurry up, I'm getting a little impatient...

And yes, I will be your "manager" for a small stipend, say...15%? I'm the best negotiator I know.

I need to find...

2005-11-06T15:36:00.000-05:00

...a rich husband a.s.a.p. because working on the weekend really stinks.

Blah

2005-11-05T10:57:00.000-05:00

I hate Ticketmaster.

Heartwarming or Alarming??

2005-11-02T14:55:00.000-05:00

Okay - so you all remember my ex boyfriend from over 5 years ago? The one who never goes away?

Well...last night I received the following email:
_________________________
FROM: EX
TO: [DM]
TIME: 5.5 years to late

HEYYYYYYYYYY!
I miss talking to you so much. I miss YOU so much. There have been no
fewer than 50 times that I have almost picked up the phone to call you,
realized I can't find your number, said to myself "gotta get that
number" and done nothing about it. I hope it's you when the phone rings.

I think about you at random times every single day. All happy
thought's. As if we just hung out this past weekend and have plans for tomorrow.
Anything, everything...."gotta tell [DM] that"..."I wonder if she's
heard...."......"remember that time......". I think of you every time
I go to a courthouse to do research. I even find myself looking for you,
craning my head at every black SUV I see even though I know you don't drive it anymore. You've come up in conversations or I somehow ended up telling someone about you and I'll say, "you've got to meet her". SHIT, I NEED TO SEE HER!!!!!!

Okay, I just counted to ten.

Call me, email me, rearend me in traffic.

All is well on my end, hope the same for you. Have you joined the
working world? how's the fam? how are you???????

Why am I writing this? I can easily tell you this stuff. If you're
up, email me back and I'll call you!!!
____________________________

Wow. I don't even know what to say. I'll just save it in the ever growing file of evidence for a restraining order.

Weigh in with your verdict...sweet or psycho?

Crash and burn

2005-11-01T23:03:00.000-05:00

This morning, I was late to work because, as I was racing to my car with my Halloween costume in hand to return to the rental shop, the heel of my left shoe got stuck in the cuff of my right pant leg and ripped the whole right pant leg all the way up to my knee as I tumbled to the parking lot ground. Luckily, I landed straight on top of my Halloween costume which had so much crinoline that it cushioned my fall and I wasn't hurt at all. But my new grey suit suffered a far worse fate. I can't wait to have to tell a seamstress this one.

Quiz - Who Are You?

2005-11-01T20:56:00.000-05:00

Okay ladies of Sober Living (and anyone else who cares) - see if you're a Jen or an Angelina...bonus points if you can guess who I came out as...

http://quiz.ivillage.com/love/tests/jenangelina.htm

Happy Halloween - Part 2

2005-10-31T21:06:00.000-05:00

Happy Halloween again on the official day. This weekend was definitely a fun one. D.M. and I passed the Bar on Friday and while she spent the evening decompressing, I took my tried and true route of drinking myself silly. First, I went out to dinner with my dating partner (what else do I call him?) and his friend and his friend's date. Because I think I may have slipped and accidentally gave the boy the name of this blog (ooops) I will refrain from saying that the restaurant did not live up to expectations.

Just kidding, of course I'll still say it. I felt kind of bad for him because he was all excited about the place. This is the online description:

"Feed your senses at a fondue and tapas restaurant where everything's cooked tableside. Honey-stained birch and jade upholstered booths provide a comfortable landing from which 30- to 40-something diners can enjoy local jazz and blues bands."

Anyway, it was located in a strip mall and when we walked in there was no one there and the "live jazz band" wasn't playing that night. Also, the "tableside chef" turned out to be the guy who melted your cheese in the fondue. Well, ok, he seared some tuna too. In any event, I probably wouldn't go back there. But I had a great time having my glass regularly refilled with champagne and, of course, I enjoyed the company. Frankly, I was so happy to be celebrating instead of crying that I think dating partner (heretofore referred to as "D.P.") could have taken me out for a McDonald's Filet-O-Fish and I would have still loved it!

After dinner, we left and headed to my friend's birthday party in Midtown. I have to say, this is where the night gets a little fuzzier. I remember getting there, drinking wine, and meeting some people but I can't recall the specifics of any conversations which is always a cause for concern. I know I was supposed to meet up with some other people who had also passed the Bar but I remember having a sudden urge to just go to sleep and I think I may have gotten upset with D.P. and one of my friends because I thought they were making me go out when I just wanted to go home.

I also apparently accused D.P. of dating other people when we were in the car driving home even though we've never even talked about things like that. By the way, what do ya'll think is the timeline for those kinds of things? I'd just as soon never bring it up (sober) but I have a friend who is on me all the time to "define" my relationships (by the way, I fully blame her influence for my drunken questioning.) However, I hate confrontational talks like that and I don't really see a need to do it at such an early stage. Especially since I don't even know what I want. Any thoughts?

Back to the weekend. Saturday, I stopped by to show D.P. my costume and then I went to 3 house parties before going out with D.M. and another friend to some bars in Buckhead. Lord, did I feel old. I've never been hit on by so many underaged drunken boys. Both D.M. and I were felt up considerably throughout the evening by kids who we could very well have babysat ten years ago. And yes, it was kind of flattering.

And now it is already Monday again and back to work. At least it is lighter outside when I wake up but it is really hard to stay at work once it starts getting dark. I think my S.A.D.s (Season Affective Disorder) will be starting up soon. Ask Flirtini and D.M., they'll tell you I'm only half kidding. Maybe we should plan a S.L. fan club conference in Miami for January. It will be all of us and our five fans. Any takers??

Random Thoughts...I Know You've Been Missing Them...

2005-10-30T19:36:00.000-05:00

DM had the pleasure of seeing the crazy old guy who talks to himself the other day when she was kind enough to drop of some much-needed flu supplies. Well DM, I had another encounter with him. I stepped onto the elevator Saturday morning and he was pushing buttons and talking to himself. I just smiled and stared straight ahead. I happened to be carrying two boxes, as I was headed over to the old apt to get the last few items and he turned to me and mumbled "boxes, are you just going to throw those out?" I shook my head and explained that I was finishing up moving in. He asked if I purchased or if I was leasing from someone. I told him I bought my place and then he had the nerve to ask me how much I paid. He didn't even preface it by saying, "if you don't mind me asking" - he flat out asked! A perfect stranger. How rude. Anyway, I gave him a roundabout answer and quickly got off the elevator. He's the first person on my list of people to avoid at my new place.

So, speaking of the old apartment - I'm officially OUT! Yea! Turned in my keys and access cards Saturday. Feels great to have all my stuff in one place (although it's not all unpacked yet...)

Okay, does anyone know how to do a quick up-do? I have to attend an industry awards ceremony Wednesday evening and it's semi-formal. My dress would really look best with my hair up, however I will have less than an hour in-between work and when I must arrive, so I don't have time to make it to a salon. Any suggestions?

Tomorrow I get to hear to coach of my favorite college football team speak. I can't wait! I only wish he was coming off a big win, although perhaps the speech will be even more motivating under these circumstances.

Blind date guy had not called me in three weeks...until Friday. Apparently he lost his job and has been really down. I feel bad for him, but really, don't you think he should have contacted me before now since he's supposed to be coming to visit in three weeks? Maybe I'm being hard on him b/c I'm just not that interested. Anyway, he left a VM mid-day saying that he was helping an old frat bro move up to my neck of the woods and he wanted to meet up for drinks. Haven't called him back yet. Hopefully he went out and met some other girl to come visit in three weeks. I guess I'll have to call this week. Ugh.

So, about two months ago it was planned that I would attend a big upcoming football game w/ baby's daddy since it's a rivalry for us (I attended the home team's school and he played QB for the visitors.) Sounds fun, right? I don't want to go with him anymore. Since he's running so hot and cold and we haven't talked about the game in awhile, don't you think I can safely invite someone else? I know it sounds rude, but he's been giving me the run-around and not really playing fair. It'd be just my luck that he'd decide at the last minute that he needs to attend a stupid baby shower instead (I'm being dramatic, but this is how he's been acting as of late.)

My puppy is afraid of men. He has run away from every single one we've encountered during our many walks, despite their many attempts to pet him or try to play. I guess that's my fault for not having enough men over to my place on a regular basis...I'll have to search for some volunteers.

Desperate Housewives is going to be a rerun tonight. How annoying is that??

I FINALLY HAVE CABLE!!! I also have a huge portion of a column in my living room missing. It's supposed to be fixed this week though. Almost settled.

My boss officially quit on Monday and my other boss will be deciding tomorrow whether he stays or goes. Lovely.

I really need some caffeine. I have a brand new fridge pack of Coke Zero in the trunk of my car, but right now that just sounds WAY too complicated to go fetch.

Congrats again to DM & AM! Yea!! Now lets hope I can pull off great results on the GMAT (which is next to impossible since I haven't picked up my books since August.)

Okay, enough for now - better get some work done since all of my superiors are quitting.

In Mourning

2005-10-29T18:03:00.000-05:00

I'm officially in mourning. If you know me at all and you followed a key event that took place today, you know what I'm talking about. I'll be staying in tonight (was halfway convinced to go out earlier today, however at this point, I don't even want to head out to pick up some dinner) so I'll blog later about the last few days (minus this afternoon, of course) if I'm feeling up to it.

Does anyone need 2 lawyers?

2005-10-28T14:36:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to Apple Martini & Dirty Martini for passing the bar exam in their local jurisdiction. I knew you both could do it! I am so proud of you guys and expect a night of hard-core celebrating! I'll toast you both over beers in my jurisdiction.

I Was Supposed to Get a Flu Shot on 11/8...

2005-10-26T06:16:00.000-05:00

...but my body decided to go ahead and get the flu during the middle of the night. Great. I have about a hundred deadlines this week and I still need to get the last few things out of my old place and clean. I don't have time for this. Thanks a lot stupid flu.

Happy Halloween

2005-10-25T19:21:00.000-05:00

First, I'd like to apologize to my other martinis for being an absentee webmaster (or, webnovice, depending...) I have been busy with work and I've been out of town the past five weekends. Also, I am actually having a (temporarily?) successful run of dating a (seemingly so far) semi-normal guy which takes up a few nights here and there. Anyway, with that said, on with the post.

So, Halloween is my MOST FAVORITE DAY EVER! Yeah!!! I can't tell you how excited I am. Though, I have to say that when I was younger, Halloween was my favorite day because I got load of candy and was able to stay up as late as I wanted while watching movies that would forever give me nightmares. Fun!

Nowadays, however, I love Halloween because I get to dress like a slut and wear loads of glitter. Double Fun! This is my costume:

Now, I had emailed this picture to Cosmo last week and she dared to call it "cute and tasteful." I won't lie. I was mortally offended. But don't worry Sober Fans, I promise to whore it up as best I can (the costume, that is. Not my actions. I mean, I'm not going to whore myself up, I... Oh, never mind). Needless to say, I am looking forward to this weekend very much.

Yet, I'm dreading it too. Alas, my fellow webmongers, this is also the weekend that D.M. and I receive our Bar results!! AAAAAA

The Evil Dead:

Oh, the horror! I suppose it is fitting that this repulsive event takes place on Halloween weekend because I sure as hell am damn scared. BUT, I am trying to be very positive and send good vibrations to the fateful envelopes awaiting us on Friday. Don't worry, D.M., I believe in us! Good Luck to us both!!

Will You Change Your Name? Pretty Please?

2005-10-23T17:39:00.000-05:00

So I just saw the hot boy I wrote about last Monday. He apparently has a spot within my level of the parking garage and we ended up on the elevator together. I was holding several bags of groceries, a broom, and a hanging garment I just purchased at Macy's. Although I looked rough after running errands all day, at least I was wearing real clothes (unlike our last run-in.)

We kind of looked at one other tried to think of something to say. He was carrying an old plastic trashcan that looked dirty inside (hmm - not real sure what that was all about.) So, obviously I wasn't about to inquire as it could have had a disgusting story behind it. Instead, I let him speak first. He was definitely struggling for something to talk about as well, considering he blurted out "doing some spring cleaning?" (referring to my broom) unless he's just dumb and hasn't looked at his calendar lately. I explained that I had just moved in and the movers/furniture guys had tracked some junk across my hardwood floors, which then led to introductions. He said, "well, welcome! I'm [name]. I live on your floor." I replied, "I'm [Cosmo], I'd shake your hand, but I'm not really able to right now." He was nice enough to ask if I needed help but I wasn't about to show any weakness, so I politely declined.

Great! Hot guy on my floor. He's a Cosmo guy too - tall, great eyes and smile....just one thing. Well, two really. First, I guess I was so preoccupied with trying to hold onto all my bags and thinking of something clever to talk about that I completely forgot to check for a wedding band. So, for all I know, he's spoken for. The deliveries if he's single - his name, well, it's the same as my dad's and that's just not good. Perhaps it's a middle name or a fake name he tells new people in the building? Okay, probably not. Maybe he'll fall so deeply in love with me that he'll be willing to change his name so I'm not completely creeped out.

I've grown comfortable with the distance that's come between us

2005-10-20T14:02:00.000-05:00

So...remember when we were in college (undergrad of course) and all the older guys seemed so cool, and hip and outrageously suave...Yeah, me neither, but I remember wanting them to think I was all those things. However, I was recently confronted with the fact that some men do NOT age like fine wine, but instead get fatter and balder like cheap tires. Now, maybe with a bottle or two of wine in me, they would have looked better, but nay, I was sober.

And not only were they much the worse for wear, they had no personalities. I mean, my cousin in fifth grade has the social skills to know that when someone asks you a question about yourself, you respond in kind. For example, I truly care not what you've been doing with yourself, but when I ask you, the polite citizen thing to do is ask me, and then fake interest at my answer. No wonder these guys are still single - and by single I mean - Singly unable to attract anything but flies.

The Things We Do For Cable

2005-10-19T17:35:00.000-05:00

So, next Monday my brand new place will be having holes cut into the walls and ceilings. I have to bring my dog to stay elsewhere, take everything off the walls, tables, shelves, etc, cover the furniture, etc so they can complete this project (they even asked me if I was going out of town anytime soon, so I'll be very interested to see what it looks like when I get home from work each day!) I gues it'll all be worth it once I have ESPN, ESPN2, and MTV again!

Updates

2005-10-18T18:30:00.000-05:00

Still no cable, so please email Real World recaps to me later!

I received two pieces of forwarded mail, so that's encouraging.

Saw the ex who now works in my building at the grocery store near my office this evening. Wouldn't have thought twice about it if he'd be dressed in work attire. He, however, was in khaki shorts, a t-shirt, and a hat. He lives about 45 mins away. Unless he worked out in khaki shorts at our office gym, I'm a little worried.

Moving Woes - Part Two

2005-10-18T06:26:00.000-05:00

I still don't have cable. Don't know when or if I'll be able to get it without ripping up walls and ceilings. I am so frustrated that if I go into detail, I'll get all fired up again. So, I'll spare everyone (including myself) that ordeal. I would, however, appreciate it if someone could email me a recap of last night's Laguna Beach episode. Thanks.

I'm not receiving my forwarded mail. Not only that, I had my insurance agent call me yesterday to tell me that my car insurance bill was returned to them. Greeeeat. I wonder how many other pieces of mail have been returned to their senders. I've filed a complaint. We'll see what happens.

I have to go to Home Depot. I can count the number of times I've visited that place on one finger. I have to buy some new plug and hose thingy for my dryer. As if I didn't already fear HD before, I'm even more freaked out by it after DM's experience this weekend. I think I'll leave my cell phone at home.

I saw the hottest guy get out of the elevator Sunday night. I, of course, was looking HORRIBLE - just running the puppy outside for the the last time before bed. Was wearing ugly jeans, no makeup, a Big Ten sweatshirt and an SEC hat. He probably thought I didn't know my college football or something. Anyway, he lives on my floor so hopefully I'll run into him when I'm actually dressed sometime.

Sigh. Send those recaps please!

Its official.....

2005-10-15T17:28:00.000-05:00

I received a bona fide sign from God today that I shouldn't attempt home repair projects.

Some rat bastard lifted my cell phone while I was shopping at Home Depot. I set it down for 2 seconds while I reached for a product. When I turned around it was gone. Asshole even had the stones to answer it when I called the number (once I got home).

I KNEW being there was unnatural and wrong. Just the confirmation I needed!!

So could everyone please email me your contact information so that I can reprogram my new phone? (Which of course will take 3-5 business days to get here)

Grrr...

Moving Woes - Part One

2005-10-15T10:35:00.000-05:00

I hate moving. When I moved into the place I just left, I decided that I could probably raise a family in the small one bedroom, one bathroom apartment as long as it meant I never had to move again. After a couple of years of throwing away rent money, however, I was convinced that purchasing a place was the thing to do. Unfortunately, that meant moving.

Being that I'm cheap when it comes to things like moving (I see dollar signs that could be spent on more important things like clothes or decorating) I decided to only hire movers for the major furniture pieces as well as the washer and dryer. So, for the last couple of weeks, I've been packing up my little car with everything else and moving myself. Sadly, I still have at least one full load, maybe two back at the old apartment. Yesterday was furniture day though, so I'm officially "living" (if you can call it that) at the new condo.

The movers showed up 30 mins early. I don't want to complain (better early than late) however I had not even dried my hair or put on real clothes. I had like 2 mins to pull my hair up and get dressed. Off to a good start.

Upon arrival, the guys were surprised to see what little I needed them to move, even though I had told the sales guy exactly what I needed. I'm sure they were disappointed since I pay based on an hourly rate, so they decided to get creative to waste time. One of the guys was being "trained" and this was his first official move. Since moving furniture isn't rocket science, I wasn't bothered by such a newbie on my job. The trainer, however, was the problem. Apparently he couldn't explain things or tell example stories to the trainee while moving stuff. I kept shooting him dirty looks and the trainee was like "c'mon man, let's talk while we carry this". Novel idea.

The trainer also had the nerve to ask if we could stop at the QT on our way so he could get a cigar. I think it's pretty ballsy (sp?) to ask to stop for a nicotine fix when you're being paid hourly. Whatever though, if that's what he needed to make it through my move, so be it.

Four hours later and one big scratch on my hardwood floor, it was over. Thank goodness. Before leaving, he handed me an evaluation form and asked that I send it in so that he could "get his raise". Uh, yeah, I'll get right on that.

I don't have the energy to continue describing yesterday's events. Stay tuned for part two a little later!

Costly Cell Phone Mistake

2005-10-15T08:25:00.000-05:00

So, I bought a new phone a few months ago and had to quickly reprogram numbers into my phone before traveling. I guess I took a few shortcuts and accidentially answered when this guy called Thursday afternoon. See, I had another guy by the same name in my phone (a co-worker) and thought it was him because I had to leave the office early to get to an appointment across town...little did I know...

Turns out, a good friend of his who lives near me was in a terrible car crash the day before, so he came up to see her. I guess he thought he'd kill two birds with one stone and try to see me while he was already up here, however what he did was completely offend me. Who the hell calls someone to see them socially when a good friend of their's is in the hospital all beat up from a car accident? As far as I'm concerned, he should be spending all his time with her (I'd feel this way even if I did want to see him.)

I politely told him I was running into a doctor's appointment (which was true) and that I'd try to give him a call later in the evening (a big lie) but making plans for the weekend didn't look good since I'd be moving (thank God.)

His number is now programmed into my phone as "[name] don't answer".

And yes, his voice was a horribly hickish as ever.

Anyone need a lawyer??

2005-10-14T13:15:00.000-05:00

Congrats to Flirtini! She just found out today that she passed the Bar Exam in her jurisdiction of choice. We are all very proud of you! Yippeee!!!

Awkward

2005-10-14T06:03:00.000-05:00

So, after ignoring three emails asking me what floor I work on, the ex (see "Help") found me. I was diligently working on a big deadline when I heard a voice whisper "you're doing that all wrong" (uh, no I wasn't) and I turned around only to find him hovering behind me...like close...too close. I didn't even try to be nice. He was like, "so, it's been about five years" and my reply was "oh, is that how long it has been since you applied at my last company?" We talked for about 10 mins - it was awkward, thanks to him, because he was acting all flustered (turning red, fidgeting, stuttering, etc.) Oh, and to any married men out there who read this blog (all one that I know of) have you ever had a 10 min conversation with someone and kept your left hand in your pocket the entire time? Duh, I know you're married - I'm THANKFUL you're married. Why aren't you letting me see the proof??

Duuuhhhh

2005-10-12T11:16:00.000-05:00

China bear bile farmer eaten by own animals
Tue Oct 11, 2005 09:56 AM ET
BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese man who raised bears to tap them for their bile, prized as a traditional medicine in Asia, has been killed and eaten by his animals, Xinhua news agency said Tuesday.

HELP!

2005-10-11T08:26:00.000-05:00

Today is off to a great start. I arrived at work, turned on my computer, and opened my email only to find....

From: [Cosmo's high school boyfriend who stalked her freshman year of college]
Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 2005 8:18
To: [Cosmo]
Subject: small world...

I just got a phone list for the building and saw your name...small world, huh?

[Cosmo's high school boyfriend who stalked her freshman year of college]
[Crappy Title]
[Cosmo's Company]
[Phone number - yeah, I'll be sure to NEVER dial that one!]

I am SO ANNOYED! First, he knew I worked here because our mothers ran into each other within the last year or so (or at least he knew I had worked here at that point in time) so "small world" my ass. Second, I have worked here for almost THREE years - this is MY territory. I cannot believe he's here now.

It's not that I have feelings for him - I certainly don't - oh, the stories I could tell you about him... It's more that it was SO DIFFICULT to get rid of him (mom considered a restraining order at one point) so I cannot believe he's in my office building now. The elevators are no longer safe for me.

Update - I may have to go on hiatus from flag football this season - he has asked to join the team. Next he'll be moving into my condo community.

Wake me up...when October ends!

2005-10-08T19:09:00.000-05:00

Waiting for the bar results is TORTURE. Why are the evil GA bar examiners taking so long???? FL knew ages ago - and TN finds out next week. Grrrr...I am an absolute mess. Seriously, its all I can think about - all day, everyday. I'm become a total nightmare to deal with. A wreck.

Add alcohol to the equation and you'll begin to see why after last night I'm totally banned from ever setting foot in the Royal Oak Pub again. EVER. Note to self - next time you want to blow off some steam, please try to refrain from getting shitfaced and making out with a total stranger at the local pub...shameless hussy. Oh God, it was even worse than it sounds.

And while nursing my hangover this morning I stopped by mom's for coffee. I've become such a emotional wreck problem child that her fiance/boyfriend/husband/whatever offered to send me to the Bahamas for the next three weeks to wait it out there. Nice right? Well, look deeper. Next I told him if I failed I wanted to leave the country. (melodramatic I know) What does he do??? Calls a businessman friend of his (old college chum) in Venezuela and asks if he and most recent wife would mind company for the winter. Yeah - "funny funny ha ha" doc. First of all, doesn't he know my rule about visiting countries with jungles, much less ones with governments that could possibly be overturned while I was there visiting? Second of all...does anyone else think that maybe he's trying really hard to get rid of me? Generous or suspicious? Hmmmm....

Just wake me up when this is all over.

UPDATE 10/9 - A.M. and I think that he is either hoping I'll get kidnapped by Venezuelan rebels or thrown into a shady Venezuelan prison. Sneaky. Either way she's going to immediately start a fund for my ransom/bail. Thanks A.M. - can always count on you!

A slave to fashion...

2005-10-07T13:34:00.000-05:00

Can anyone tell me why you can't get out of a salon these days in under 3 hours. Seriously...how do people have jobs and still get their hair done? Had a 9am appointment for cut and color this a.m at my usual salon ....I got home at 12:30. Absolutely crazy!! Its not the stylist's fault - he was very on the ball. The whole process (foils, shampoo, conditioning treatment, cut, blow dry, etc) just takes THAT long no matter what.

Of course I spent the whole time fantasizing about the Italian hairdresser two chairs over...not that he's really good looking or anything - it was just the Italian thing. (Don't you know he gets sooooo much tail?) And actually, I had another face and body on the italian I was fantasizing about. So I guess it wasn't as much the hairdresser as "insert here generic hot italian man" Oh - in my fantasy I spoke fluent Italian. (Maybe that's what I should be doing with my time these days...learning something instead of watching GH and Oprah)

I totally blame today's italian obsession session on A.M. who gave me a trashy romance novel to read staring "Antony" that was set in Florence....it was last night's bedtime read of choice. You're such an enabler A.M.!! (-;

Cat Burglar...among other things

2005-10-06T22:33:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts - its been awhile hasn't it?

1) Tom Welling is so f**cking hot. Seriously, watching Smallville tonight was like porn. There is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do if he asked me...NOTHING. Yummy.

2) My cat has resorted to a life of crime. Got a call from a neighbor the other day. Apparently she went to bed the other night with two cats in her bed, but woke up with three. My f**king cat got into her house through her pet door and crawled into bed with her. Absolutely no manners.

3) Listen here cutie starbucks drive thru cashier man....If you are young enough to start your pick up line with "chill night tonight, huh?"...then you are TOO YOUNG TO ASK ME OUT. My God, I feel so old - I don't even speak their language anymore!

4) Got an infamous MY SPACE email tonight from "Tony".

"Hey cutie. Would love to chat sometime"

....okay - sounds nice right? WRONG! To follow are his list of interests from his profile....

Tony's Interests...

General
Playing and Recording Music : Cognitive Science : Street Art : Philosophy : Film : Motorcyle Racing
Music
House : Dub : Krout Rock : Emo : Lo-Fi : Jazz : Electro : Breaks : Punk : New Wave : Drone : Quite a range of indipendently produced experimental music
Movies
City of God : City of Lost Children : Henry and June : A Night on Earth : Brazil : Kafka : A Clockwork Orange : Blue velvet : Baxter : the pillow book : Frida : anything from from Russ Meyer :

Oh...and this is even better....

Tony's Details
Status: Swinger
Body type: 5' 7" / Slim / Slender
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Religion: Agnostic

Are you f*cking kidding me? So you are my height, skinny - any you swing both ways.
You're in luck guys - he just might like you too!! And that whole cognitive science thing - that's f*cking hot.

No wonder I'm enjoying my hiatus so much.

6) Oh my God - there's a woman on Jay Leno being interviewed at a tatoo convention. She has her 9 month old baby with her and its coverred with temporary tatoos. Some people should not be allowed to procreate. Wow. But George Clooney is about to be interviewed - must pay close attention. Sooooo...

Okay - that's it for tonight. Ciao!

Star Struck

2005-10-02T14:44:00.000-05:00

I met a celebrity last night! I mean, granted, he isn't Brad Pitt or anything, but he has recently made a comeback on Grey's Anatomy and the movie Sweet Home Alabama. At any rate, I always thought he was hot (especially as a surgeon)and he is cute in person as well. Here is the story:

I have a girl friend that is dating a boy that is involved in racing. He lives with a couple of Le Mans drivers and worked at a race school here in town for a few years. Apparently, car racing is one of Patrick Dempsey's hobbies.

I was supposed to go to the race yesterday but got caught up at my college's homecoming weekend. Wasn't really upset about missing it, but I was still planning on attending the after-party at my friend's boyfriend's house. I got up there around 1o:45 and found my friend. She was getting ready in the bathroom. Apparently, this party was supposed to be huge but it was at a house in a subdivision, so I couldn't imagine it would be that big. All of a sudden, my friend's boyfriend came upstairs and said "Patrick is here." I just looked at him with a blank stare and he said "Patrick Dempsey, you know, the actor?" I was like "WHAT?" I looked over the landing and lo and behold..there was Dr. Sheperd standing in the family room.

My friend's boyfriend went downstairs and I looked at my friend who was still getting ready and decided we both needed alcohol pronto. So, I went downstairs and saw Patrick D. and tried very hard not to lose my shit. So, I start talking to my friend's boyfriend and Patrick D. comes over and they start talking. I was trying so hard not to stare but it was difficult. My friend's boyfriend didn't introduce us - how rude. HOWEVER, Patrick D. glanced at me twice and then finally introduced himself to ME. He was like "Hi, I'm Patrick." I took his hand and said "Hi, I'm ____." And he said "it's nice to meet you." And that is about it. But it really made my whole week since I apparently get star struck. I didn't want to act like a dork and tell him I was a fan so I just pretended that it was very normal that I was meeting Patrick Dempsey at a house party in the suburbs. I went back upstairs to immediatly call about 15 people. Then my friend was finally ready so we went downstairs. She was eating Wendy's so I grabbed her bag for her b/c her hands were full. When we got downstairs, Patrick Dempsey looked at me and says "Wendys?!!" and laughed. I was embarassed for some reason. After that, he left to go to dinner. He was supposed to come back but never did. We were devestated. We really wanted a picture with him. My friend was really devestated since she wasn't introduced to him.

Ashley Judd's husband was ALSO at the party.

And, if any of you are long-time Real World fans, Mike from Real World London was also there.

My First Official Houseguest (?)

2005-09-29T08:10:00.000-05:00

Blind date is coming to visit me in November. He booked his ticket Tuesday night - hooray for boys who take the initiative!! So, as of right now, he'll be my first official houseguest in my new place. Fun!

Fundraiser

2005-09-28T11:51:00.000-05:00

I received an email from my ex-fiance yesterday with the word "Fundraiser" in the subject line. Curious as to how he could possibly need to raise funds after I financially supported our relationship for the most part, as well as returned my engagement ring (which he didn't deserve), I decided to open the note. The message stated that the [college athletic team he coaches] was selling magazines for their fall fundraiser and named the variety of publications available for purchase. Assuming that this must have been a mass emailing of some sort (after all, the email was intended to create sales, right?), I looked above for the number of people it went out to, only to find that there was a grand total of 12 recipients. Twelve. Seven family members, the three guys who were going to be his groomsmen in our wedding, one good friend of the family, and ME. ME. ME. What the hell?

After realizing that he had fully intended for my name to be a part of this email, a million potential replies crossed my mind. (Oh, fun sidenote, apparently he had input my name into his address book with his last name, so my name appears with my current first and last name and then his last name - too funny.) Should I ignore this message as I've been ignoring the others? Do I dare reply and ask "haven't I already supported you and your stupid team enough" and name examples? Or, would it be fun to send a subscription to every single male I've ever laid eyes on and let him wonder...

Okay, so I don't care enough about what he thinks to follow through with the third option, although it might be fun and it could be considered some early Christmas shopping.

At any rate, if anyone has any good ideas on how I might reply, please let me know. Otherwise, I'll probably ignore it just as I've ignored the IM's and emails asking if I'm dating, sleeping with anyone, etc.

Oh, and I hope someone else who received the email notices my name (or what would have been my name) and tells him he has quite a bit of nerve asking me to help his team. Who am I kidding? Nobody else has the guts to stand up to him.

Jesus Walks

2005-09-27T22:26:00.000-05:00

Oh yes he does. Okay, so I will admit I never go to church really. But I do believe in God. However, when it comes to dating someone, I am not into the super-Christian attitude. Blind date boy has that attitude.

I picked up on it in the VERY beginning when we first talked on the phone. It was the Sunday before labor day. It was 8pm at night...I was heading to a bar...he was just leaving church. So, I started forming an unfair view of him at that point. What I found out later is that he helps to lead a youth group at a methodist church...nothing wrong with that. After our first date, I learned he drank, was in a fraternity, had lived with his ex-fiance. I thought all was good. Second date went fine too....flew under the radar and didn't mention our religious beliefs.

Then last Thursday happened.

We hooked up. Nothing major...but I spent the night. I was a very GOOD girl. I didn't let any below the belt action happen. And believe me, he tried. For some reason, at 3am, I decide to ask him about his politcal views (a Bush fan - I KNEW IT! But I let that slide b/c my last boyfriend was also a Bush fan and so are many of my friends and my dad)...and that led to his religious beliefs. He believes in NOT separating church and state. He thinks we should have a good, Christian leader as president. So, I politely disagreed and tried not to delve too much further. And since I have an open mind, I was still mildly interested in him (maybe because I am bored?).

Well, then tonight happened. He came to a movie screening I had to promote for work. We sat in my car afterwards and talked for an hour and a half. NOTE: He did try to get me to go home with him again but I refused. So, we start talking about Christianity/Church/Kanye West (which brings me to my title...he has a 'problem' with this song but he wouldn't specify WHY). He then quoted the Bible. I told him I don't really go to church and I asked him if he thought I was going to Hell. All he responded with was "the bible specifically says, 'go to church to worship.'" At that point, I was having a hard time stomaching our conversation. So, my response was that the Bible also tells you not to 'drink' and 'hook up.' (which he disagreed on b/c it doesn't say that specifically....I mean, COME ON!) I couldn't believe he quoted the Bible. And THEN, we got back to Mr. West and I asked him what type of music he listens to. He flipped it to THE FISH in my car. I almost vomitted. I am sorry if anyone out there listens to The Fish...that is fine if you do...I just can't date you:)

I am probably jaded because of the college I went to and because of the people I encountered there. But I also learned to keep an extremely open mind. And I know I am not doing that with blind date guy. I just know it is hard to disagree on these fundamental values in life. And we already are...the 4th time we've ever seen each other. So, I think this one ended tonight, in my car, listening to The Fish.

Icky Color Combo

2005-09-27T11:50:00.000-05:00

Hot pink and true orange don't mix well in a business casual outfit. I just saw someone walk by, attempting that color combo and wanted to discourage others from making the same mistake in the future.

Okay, so colors aren't the true reason for this post, although that outfit did catch me off-guard. I have to confess to totally making out with Baby's Daddy at my new condo yesterday after lunch. BAAAAD. I'll spare everyone the details but I'm happy to say that we didn't have sex (probably partially because there isn't any furniture in the place yet, however, well, never mind, I said I'd spare you the gory details.) At any rate, I think the new place deserves to be "christened" with someone completely new - don't you? I mean, what fun is a recycled guy in a brand new place? I would like to point out that Baby's Daddy did have condoms with him (1. who brings condoms to a closing and 2. oh sure, NOW he thinks of condoms - just seven months late on that brilliant thought.) Hopefully I'll find some interesting new neighbors as I begin moving in this week!

WTF?

2005-09-25T21:14:00.000-05:00

Who the hell is the new neighbor (on Desperate Housewives) keeping in the basement????? I'm very alarmed....

Long Distance Request & Dedication

2005-09-25T08:23:00.000-05:00

Does anyone else remember Casey Kasem's (sp?) weekly show, which used to include a "long distance request and dedication"? Well, I've decided it's time for me to begin a request and dedication on the blog. It won't necessarily be weekly, as I'll post as they pop in my head. I realize none of the recipients will ever be aware of these songs (unless a fellow martini receives one), but then again, that's probably for the best.

Music is very important to me and for those of you who actually know me, you're aware that I enjoy a wide variety of music genres. These dedications will probably reflect that, so do not be alarmed.

Since this is the official kick-off, I'd like to take the liberty of creating more than one request. Today's listings are as follows:

To baby's daddy who revealed that he may or may not be the baby's daddy (he's recently decided that the timing doesn't really match up) : Gold Digger - Kayne West

To my ex-fiance who unfortunately keeps showing up in my dreams, er nightmares, because he's IM'd, emailed, and called throughout the week : You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban (I guess he's already thinking of me, so perhaps this is pointless. Oh well, I still like the lyrics and feel they fit the situation pretty well.)

To my 18-year old cousin who is seeking my advice for his girl problems (boy is he asking the wrong person!) He's so young and already thinks she's "the one" (oh to be so innocent again) : You Can't Hurry Love - Diana Ross

To the very hot guy I keep seeing at my new condo who is unfortunately married : Don't Cha - The Pussycat Dolls

Okay, that's enough for now. More to come!

P.M. Rocks!!

2005-09-20T23:03:00.000-05:00

Just got back from the Paul McCartney concert here in town. I was pleasantly surprised - it was a fabulous show! I don't know how old he is - but Paul can still rock with the best of them.

Interesting observations from tonight....

1) The opening act was about 30 minutes of a DJ spinning club dance versions of P.M.'s hits. It was really quite interesting. I was impressed...thought it was very progressive of him. I'm not sure how well received it was by the crowd as a whole - most just looked confused. The man beside me (who coincidentally was from Alabama) looked downright alarmed. Ha. But I loved it.

2) After that we were treated to a 20 minute video documentary of Paul's childhood and rise to fame. This I did not like at all. We all know your story Paul...do you really think you have to tell it again????

(Here in the story of the night is where we insert the couples in front of me. One was recently engaged and couldn't stop making out during the video. And apparently at some point Paul played their song. They stared at each other the entire time. It was pretty disgusting. The other couple fought the whole time. The woman gripped her purse to her chest the entire time and jerked away anytime the poor guy tried to touch her. Personally, I thought she was being a bitch. You're at a concert - fight afterwards!! Yikes. But what do I know? Oh - and I can't forget the two guys on the other side of me. Both of which were hammered, one of which cried during Hey Jude as he swayed with his lighter...what a puss)

3) Anyway - as usual, I digress. The music was awesome. He played lots of old stuff - Hey Jude, Helter Skelter, Let it be, Maybe I'm amazed, Blackbird, Yesterday. I wasn't as crazy about the new stuff - but it was still really good!

4) I think his two main guitarists were really hot. I need to do more research on this subject. It could have been a combination of alcohol and the fact that they played awesome guitar. A combination of those facts makes most any guy pretty yummy. Unless he's singing love songs to you. Had that happen - not fun, and NOT attractive. Ugh....anyway.

5) I expected to have some activist comments come up. But the only thing he did was wear a "no more land mines" shirt during his last encore (there were 3). I was okay with that - landmines suck. At least he didn't go all PETA on us like his wife apparently did this week. Did everyone hear about her storming JLO's offices, then crashing a JLO press conference. (all b/c JLO uses fur) What's her name got physical with the security and her prosthetic leg came off. She had to run away and go put it back on. And by the way Mrs. McCartney, FYI - Minks are MEAN !!! (don't all you law students remember the nuisance case where the minks went crazy and ate all their own young?? Eeeeeek)

6) Oh - and let me just tell you - some lunatic brought a baby to the show. That's right - AN INFANT!! And they were sitting in Floor seats like 10 rows from the stage. Paul was actually so shocked he pointed it out and said "oh my god - someone's holding up a baby! shouldn't that baby be in bed??" good for you Paul! Its bad enough people bring babies to movies - but A CONCERT???? First of all, I know they can afford a babysitter - the tickets themselves where I was (with the normal folk) section 108 were $130 each...so how much were the floor seats??!! And you know they had to buy the kid a ticket! So that means these people actually CHOSE to bring their baby (and probably damage the poor child's hearing beyond repair) when a babysitter would be cheaper. Appalling.

Well - sorry to end abruptly, but I'm exhausted. Ciao everyone!!

Ode to Martinis

2005-09-20T15:52:00.000-05:00

Once in a while I get to thinking
That maybe I shouldn't do so much drinking
But it always seems like a good idea at the time
To introduce tequila, salt and a lime!

But it never seems to be enough
And stopping once you started can be quite tough
But to prove that I'm not a raging alcoholic
I have to put a halt to the fun and frolic

But what else is there to do on a Tuesday night?
Go to a movie, a concert or a fight?
Alas none of those are half as appealing
As walking on a floor that seems to be reeling.
As shooting some Lemondrops that strangers bought
As stealing signage and not getting caught
Most of these things I would not attempt
The sober mind would be exempt
From trying to act like a motley fool
But when inebriated, it's the rule

So taking stock of my life in general
I feel I use alcohol as a way to deal
With the hum-drum boring life I lead
But what is it that I really need?

More sex, more drugs, more rock n roll
Or would those things also take a toll
Lead to dehydration and temple-ache
But in the end, what difference would it make

"I can quit any time that I want to!"
But right now, it's what I want to do
So please understand when you see me out
A partying lifestyle is what I'm about.

Don't fret my pet, it won't last too long
My heart and liver aren't that strong
So I must be going, Fight the Power~
I'm running late for Happy Hour!

Successful Blind Date #1...

2005-09-20T05:48:00.000-05:00

...since I'm not so sure we can still label Lemon Drop's blind date as "successful".

Yep - apparently the third time is a charm. I've had two TERRIBLE blind dates in my life, so I was sort of dreading this one, especially because I had to actually board a plane to see the guy! As I spent Saturday with my family, I was trying to think of every excuse in the book for getting out of my Sunday date. Luckily, I had nothing to worry about - the guy was as cute as his photo and very upbeat, fun, and sweet. He was a little to quiet for me, but I'll chalk it up to the whole awkward blind date situation we were in.

So, I guess it went even better than I had thought because he left me a VM last night (I was at the office until a ridiculously late hour and accidentally left my cell phone turned off) to schedule flights to come up to visit in November. (I had casually mentioned that he, his bro-in-law (my friend who set this up) and his sister (my friend's wife) were welcome to head up when their team plays my town's team because our date on Sunday was centered around a football game. Little did I know he'd take me up on the offer. I might be a little freaked out, but I'll just go with it.)

On another note, baby's daddy tricked me into answering his call yesterday and shared some info with me that left me completely dumbfounded. I won't go into details because I'm still in shock, but lets just say that the Dec/Jan timeframe could get extremely interesting. Why can't I just find a nice, normal guy without any drama? Oh wait, perhaps the out-of-town blind date guy is just that?

Sigh. Boys are complicated.

Sympathy for Apple Martini

2005-09-19T23:10:00.000-05:00

I, too, had crap date #14,867.....but wait, actually I didn't HAVE a date..that's right: I got STOOD UP. Or so it seemed. I had SUCH a strange Sunday. Remember how I raved about my great blind date in my last post? Well...I think DM said it right when she said blind dates are evil. So, we did go on a second date. It went fine - took me to dinner, saw a play (he knew I liked the theater so I thought it was thoughtful), had a drink, etc etc. Still no kiss but I let that slide also. SO - when he was dropping me off, he asked all about my schedule this week and what I was doing all weekend. Our schedules conflicted and we seemed to both be extremely busy but we settled on possibly hanging out on Sunday - during the day because he had CHURCH in the morning and something at night (It's not that I hate church or don't respect people that go...it's just that I don't go and I haven't dated a boy that goes in a long time...). Anyway, it seemed promising. He emailed me all day on Friday, had me call him Friday night....We didn't really talk about Sunday again so I took the initiative and called him Saturday night to confirm. Basically, he was like "Yeah, I have no plans really...I'll call you." But even when we were getting off of the phone, my intuition said he wasn't calling me. So, being the heathen that I am, I sleep in Sunday and feel my phone vibrating. I figure it is my blind date. Well, it isn't....it is another boy that is extremely bad for me but that I love nonetheless and have a huge weakness for. I let it go to voicemail. I check it and he just wanted to know what I was doing that day - random because usually we only see each other in situations where we are drunk and could possibly hook up. So, I give blind date until 2pm to call (even though at this point I was secretly hoping he wouldn't so I could call back asshole boy that I still love). So, I went running and figured if he was going to call, he will call me by the time I am done. No call. So, I call back asshole. He wants to lay out by the pool. So, we do. Blind date calls me at 4:40 while I am at the pool but I don't answer. I end up calling him back around 7 and then he calls me at 9 claiming he 'didn't hear his phone ringing.' Such BS. So, I make up some excuse as to why I can't talk anymore that night and politely excuse myself from the conversation. He says he'll 'be in touch'.....yeah right. But, much to my surprise - HE WAS. I had a 'good morning' email sitting in my inbox today when I got to work. I didn't respond to it until I knew he was gone for the day. And then - he CALLED tonight. I didn't answer. He left a voicemail saying "I didn't hear from you today, just wanted to see how you were...." So, I am completely baffled by him. I have definitely lost a lot of my initial interest in him. I just don't get it! When you blow me off - do it right! Don't keep calling!!!!

Crap date No. 14,867

2005-09-19T22:30:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was supposed to meet this guy for a drink date at 6:30. I show up, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed despite the fact that I had only come home from the previous night's festivities at sunrise yesterday morning, and waited. And waited. And waited. I waited until 6:50. Normally, I would not have waited so long but he had told me he was meeting me following church and that church might let out a few minutes past 6:30. So, at 6:50, I text him and said, "I'm here."

Now, keep in mind that I had just spoken with him that afternoon and he set the time of when we were going to meet. I was about to leave when he called and said, "I'm so sorry. But I'm racing down the street right now. I got held up." Bullshit, I thought. Let's face it. The fucker forgot! Don't you guys think so? Anyway, the idiot couldn't find the bar and drove past it repeatedly so by the time he actually got there it was 7:15.

And it just gets better. So, we sit down and he looks all worriedly at the menu and asks if I am going to eat. I said no (at this point I really didn't want to spend any time with him and I was cursing myself for not leaving). He looked relieved and said that he had to be back at his apartment by 8:00 to watch the Simpsons with his brother!! He said his brother had volunteered to help with New Orleans cleanup and was leaving the next morning so he can't miss it because they always watch it together.

As D.M. knows, I am all for appointment TV. And I can understand wanting to spend his brother's last night with him.But come one. This guy picked the time. Why would he tell me to meet him at 6:30 when he knew he was meeting his brother at 8? Why didn't he just plan it for another night? And, how could it have slipped his mind when we spoke that afternoon?? How rude. I should never have waited for him. Add to this his really weird "woah, I'm really out of it" personality and this date is another one flushed down the crapper. But its ok, because I have another one lined up for next week :)

Sweet Home Alabama....

2005-09-18T22:43:00.000-05:00

THANK GOD my mother moved me to Atlanta when I was small. For those of you who don't know it, my entire biological family is scattered throughout rural Alabama. Luckily, my mother was the progressive hippie of the crowd and got me out of there before to terribly much of the ideology stuck....

I'm close with my family, as close as you can be to a group of people who think I'm "citified," an old maid at 27 and "liberal" to boot (stop laughing A.M.)....Well, tonight my biological father rang me up to chat and told me that one of my distant cousins was in jail. We're not too terribly worried about him - he's been there plenty before. But let me just share with you all the events that transpired to put him there......

Hugh was apparently minding his own business, sitting on the back porch. Well, much to Hugh's dismay, along came Daisy the goat. Daisy made the mistake of wandering into Hugh's garden. Poor Daisy was just having a little snack...which enraged Hugh (he likes his garden). So Hugh ran in the house to get his Rotweiler dog, Butch. He then proceeded to sic Butch on Daisy. Butch then proceeded to have a little snack (that would be Daisy). Well, after Hugh got Butch back inside...a woman named Crystal came driving up....looking for her goat (you guessed it, Daisy) who had escaped earlier in the afternoon. Hugh of course did the neighborly thing and ordered her off his land, all the while brandishing a shotgun. Crystal then saw Daisy, or what was left of her, in the garden.

Long story short, Hugh and Crystal got into a verbal altercation. She threatened to call the police and have him arrested and Butch put down. This is where it gets interesting. Hugh then proceeded to flash his badge and tell her he was the police and that there was nothing she could do about any of it. Deflated and extremely pissed, Crystal spun out of his driveway at breakneck speed....and on the way out hit Hugh's truck.

Hugh then decides that its his turn to call the police. Once they arrive Crystal says "I don't know why he needs ya'll here - he's a policeman." All heads turn to Hugh...who then sheepishly removes the plastic badge from his pocket - its actually part of his 10 year old's last year halloween costume. He's never been a law enforcement officer of any type.

Hugh is now in jail for felony impersonation of a police officer.

Dumbass....

The TV Gods Have Spoken....

2005-09-18T12:19:00.000-05:00

I was flipping channels yesterday and somehow, all of a sudden, I have cable. Its MAGIC!! I've decided not to call the cable company and investigate. I'll just cross my fingers and wait for the next bill.

I knew a higher power wanted me to watch Nip/Tuck...whose new season coincidentally starts in two days.

Yipppeeeee!!!

5 YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-09-17T21:45:00.000-05:00

Bastard exboyfriend called me from his sister's cell phone (she's in town visiting from the west coast) - thought a west coast area code number was safe to answer...little did I know that NOTHING IS SAFE ANYMORE! He's a damn tricky one! Here's just a smattering of the entertaining little lines he pulled out tonight.....

HIM: I drove right by your townhome the other day. Thought about stopping by, but decided against it.
ME: Good, you saved me a 911 call.
(insert uncomfortable silence)

HIM: It seems like just yesterday that we were spending Saturday mornings in bed together watching Behind the Music reruns on VH1.....
ME: It was 5 years ago to be exact. And it wasn't all that fun then either.
(insert uncomfortable silence)

HIM: You should write a book, anything you'd have to say about anything would be fascinating.... (this was his response to what I should do with all my free time)
ME: Are you fucking kidding me? Does that line ever work for you?
(insert uncomfortable silence)

HIM: I wish I was blond, gorgeous with huge tits and able to hold an intelligent conversation. (this was somehow a compliment)
ME: I know a good surgeon that could help you with some of that. You're fucked on the conversation side though.
(insert uncomfortable silence)

HIM: So what are you doing tonight?
ME: Taking it easy.
HIM: Want to hang out?
ME: No.
(insert uncomfortable silence)
HIM: Oh well, maybe I'll make my way into your life sometime soon.
ME: So after 5 years of me telling you I'm not interested you think maybe you've finally worn me down?
(insert uncomfortable silence)
HIM: Have I?

Unbelievable.

Wish Me Luck Fellow Martinis!

2005-09-16T09:39:00.000-05:00

Well...the time has come and I must depart. I am on way to Houston to wedding dress shop with my future monster (oops...I mean mother) in law. Some may ask "Why?" and to them my only response is- as a currently unemployed Martini who odds are will NOT pass the bar exam, I figured why not add a little more torture to my life!!! Nah, in all seriousness the weekend should be fine (read: hopeful self assurance). After all, it is only 42 hours of actual contact. So please Martinis, I beg of you, keep your cell phones handy with the ring tone set to HIGH in case I need dressing room crisis intervention. And who knows, I may just find the dress of my dreams!

Another Hollywood Marriage Bites the Dust! (Surprise Surprise)

2005-09-16T09:23:00.001-05:00

Much to everyones shock and dismay, I am sorry to report that Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney's 4 month marriage is OVER. The oddly mismatched couple are having their marriage conveniently annulled. Go ahead and admit it...no one is surprised by this news! All those "good ole boys" who thought they had a chance with a mega star will undoubtedly cry themselves to sleep tonight.

Out with ManCarly, in with NewCarly....

2005-09-16T09:23:00.000-05:00

They've finally replaced ManCarly on General Hospital. Thank God!! I don't know anything about the new girl (pictured above), except that her name is Laura Wright. She's taller than Maurice Bernard - most are - so that should be interesting. We'll see....anything is better than ManCarly!!!!

Sense.....but no sensibility!!!

2005-09-15T21:04:00.000-05:00

So I went out tonight for drinks with a friend that I haven't seen in a while.... she brough her boyfriend, which was a pleasant surprise. Generally friends of girlfriends don't mix so well with boyfriends - but him I really, really like him! There's maybe only one or two significant others that I get along with as well...you know, don't have to censor myself in front of, etc. Anyway, I digress....

This is a random thoughts post....and maybe a fun one since I've had too much to drink tonight. Always makes for an entertaining evening. . .

1) Went to "Houston's" tonight. It was nice - they ate, I drank...good combination. Its always hard to resist a dinner at Houston's. Anyway - the restaurant manager was hot. Liked him. I was getting change at the bar and we flirted. He asked me if I would be back anytime soon. It was nice. Sadly though... I'm still not accepting applications.

2)Stopped applications after the last needy, artsy, co-dependent, dead-weight of a boyfriend. Seriously...he ruined me for a while. Hell, the very thought of going on a first date makes me want to puke. If I'm going to be interviewing, its goind to be for a job - not a man.

3) Besides, I seem to attract needy men. I hate needy men, have no respect for them. Last one was a artsy freak who wanted to write sonnets about our love....stupid girly man. The last time I was with a guy I respected was years ago...had an affair with a guy for 6 summers in a row. He was an typical rebel...had a tatoo, got into trouble. I liked that then. But no, actually, there was the Italian. MMmmmmmm, the italian. Most of the time we were either screaming at each other over something or screwing. Most of the time it was both. He was yummy. Hell, at least he never tried to sing to me.....

4) As for the guy I had an affair with was in Alabama. Funny thing about the land of cows...as backwards as it might be, there are some hot guys. They may be barely highschool educated, but damn are they sexy. Oddly, they seem to settle for women much less cute than they are. Several of my cousins ended up with ugly wives....mainly because they knocked them up, but I digress......

5) The guy in Alabama had this tatoo. Just one, and it was oddly sexy. Barb wire around a yummy bicep. Kind of like Nikolas on GH. MMMMMmmmmm.....

6) okay, okay...enough of that.

7)deleted because its just too bitchy. (even I have a limit) but it was a good one!!

8) Drunk dialed an ex tonight. ironically, it was the recovering alcoholic codependent who blames me for his addiction. (whatever) Thank God he was in bed early - only had to say hi to his dad. Yes, he lives at home still. I really must watch myself.

9) AM is hanging out with a manwhore tonight - yummy - I wonder how she's holding up????? (or if she is holding out) I have faith (-; ... BUT still...I want details!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

10) Speaking of faith....went to Alabama this weekend and had to go to church. My grandparents celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary (not a typo) so I felt like they deserved carte blanch on the anniversary gift. One stipulation was of course church at the scary creepy hell fire and damnation congregation. Of course it was a serman full of judgmental hypocrisy..... But what more do you expect from the land of cows???????????? ( I can say that since I'm from there)

11) And the land of babys' daddys. Everyone there seems to have baby's momma drama. Take it from me...one of two girls out of 9 first cousins...and the youngest at that...the olderst only being 5 years older. (they popped them out quick)... Most of the men in my family knocked someone up at some point .... and only a couple are still married. I have one cousin now who's bitch whore of a wife got knocked up (lied about being on Birth Control) after only 4 months of marriage, left him immediately after finding out, and is demanding half of his assets, child support and alimony. That's grounds for the firing squad in AL.....as are lots of other things...its a scary place.

Okay - well, I think the ceiling has stopped spinning. Night to all!!! Sorry for all the strange thoughts above.

DM

Single Ply?!

2005-09-14T12:05:00.000-05:00

Did anyone know that single ply toilet paper is still available? I had no idea! I, of course, looking to save money so I can afford the condo AND clothes, bought the cheapest stuff I saw at the store yesterday. Turns out it's single ply - pathetic. Who knew this was still on the market?! I won't make this mistake again!!

Why I'm Single - Round One

2005-09-13T21:49:00.000-05:00

If you were nearly perfect, with the exception of sex, I broke your heart, then you hurt mine in return. You recently got married, however chose to contact me seven days after your honeymoon. Go figure.

If you are the best looking guy I have ever laid eyes on in person, taught me that sex was incredibly fun, are from a wonderful family, have a gigantic trust fund, and are very driven to succeed, then you're too young and focused on your career right now. Our timing always seems to be off.

If you proposed to me, then you need everything your way, are completely irrational, have a horrible temper, are completely needy, don't trust me, are selfish, need a girl (and I mean girl) who is conveniently located, and are possibly responsible for the destruction of multiple careers...probably your own someday as well.

If you were my best friend during the three and a half years we were together, you're getting married in a couple of weeks (to my arch rival nonetheless.) It's okay though, we never quite had the right chemistry - I wish you the best. Honestly.

If you have a wonderful career, travel 80% of the time (thus granting me my space), write witty emails, and are handy , then you're not confident enough for me and my friends don't care for you.

If you are sweet, caring, and fun to hang out with, you are too short. Much too short.

If you are my blond-haired, blue-eyed, former offensive lineman and love my same football teams, you only want me for sex...which you've yet to achieve, despite many persistent calls between 2-4am.

If I loved your family and we had fun going to football games and hanging out, you are completely stuck on the fact that you're a former pro athlete (puh-lease get over yourself), you are not smart enough for me, and it was way to awkward sitting next to you every day at the office. Ha!

If you are someone I could see being with long-term, are extremely successful, meet my height/weight requirement, keep me laughing continuously, share the same goals and aspirations, are someone I could kiss for hours and hours and never get bored, share my same interests, and make me feel completely at ease, then you have a psycho ex girlfriend and a baby on the way.

*Sigh*

Time to become a sack of potatoes!! Fall TV is here!! YIIIIPPPEEE!!!

2005-09-12T19:43:00.000-05:00

The other day, Cosmo needed people's opinions on which house to buy. Well, I also have some difficult choices ahead of me and I would appreciate everyone's input. After diligently consulting my Bible, Entertainment Weekly, I am faced with a confounding dilemma. I cannot create my Fall TV Schedule because so many great shows overlap! I think the only solution may be to invest in TiVo. Below is my list of (mostly) network TV shows that I will be watching - this doesn't even count cable shows that I know I will also get sucked into!! Let the Fall TV hibernation begin!

Monday

8:00 - 8:30 Arrested Development (Hilarious)

8:00 - 9:00 Surface (Not sure about this one but I'll give it a try)

8:30 - 9:00 How I Met Your Mother (I must watch this one. First, It's gotten great reviews, second, it star Alyson Hannigan, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer alum)

8:30 - 9:00 Kitchen Confidential (Cutie Alias alum, Bradley Cooper, and Buffy alum Nicholas Brendon!!)

9:00 - 10:00 Prison Break (I've already gotten sucked into this one. Never mind the implausible plots - I still love it)

Tuesday

8:00 - 9:00 The Biggest Loser (I can't help it...)

8:00 - 9:00 Bones (Another Buffy alum, David Boreanaz, stars)

9:00 - 10:00 Sex, Love & Secrets (the new Melrose Place)

9:00 - 10:00 House (Maybe)

9:30 -10:00 The Office (One of the best comedies on TV right now. Just as good as the British version)

10:00 - 11:00 Nip/Tuck (Yeah!!! LOVE this show!!!)

Wednesday

8:00 - 9:00 America's Next Top Model (I really love this show. Always have. Always will)

9:00 - 10:00 Lost (I've gotten so into this show over the summer. Hope J.J. keeps making such great shows like Lost and ALIAS!)

9:00 - 10:00 Veronica Mars (This has been hailed as the answer to Buffy-less TV and my friends who watch it love it. Plus, Steve Guttenberg and Buffy's Charisma Carpenter are joining - Holla!)

10:00 - 11:00 Invasion (Another maybe. Looks creepy)

Thursday

8:00 - 9:00 ALIAS (Favorite show, by far. However, don't know how it will be once Michael Vartan leaves... so.... sad!)

8:00 - 9:00 Smallville (Yet another Buffy alum, James Marsters, joins the cast as Braniac (see a pattern developing here??) Yeah!)

9:00 - 10:00 Reunion (cool concept. Let's see if it works)

10:00 - 11:00 ER (Old standby)

Friday

Lord, hopefully I have a life on Fridays and won't be watching TV!!

Saturday

Ditto.

Sunday
8:00 - 9:00 Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (makes me cry every time)

8:00 - 8:30 The Simpsons (Of course)

9:00 - 10:00 Desperate Housewives (I hope this season is just as good as the last; Alfre Woodard joins the cast)

10:00 - 11:00 Grey's Anatomy (Who knew little Patrick Dempsey would grow up to be such a hottie?)

So, any thoughts? And have I officially established myself as Sober Living's resident dork??

Are You My Mother?

2005-09-09T18:48:00.000-05:00

I just had a completely odd experience. As I was leaving the grocery store, bags in hand, a small child ran up to me screaming "Mommy, Mommy!" Just as he was about to throw his arms around my knees, his dad stopped him and said "no, she's not your mommy." I smiled, laughed, and quickly scampered to my car.

Um...okay, either this guy (who may not even be the child's father?) has a good scam for picking up women, or this is some really horrible foreshadowing...

Suddenly I'm feeling the need to go purchase an EPT.

Virgin

2005-09-09T15:34:00.000-05:00

I'll admit it. I'm a virgin...blogger. I have never blogged before. I have left comments and have read blogs, I have just never actually posted. So, with much pressure from Cosmo, I have now officially lost my blogging virginity.

With that said, I have chosen my first topic wisely: A blind date. Now that I think about it, I lost my blind date virginity last night also - come to think of it, there have been a lot of firsts for me in the past 24 hours! Anyway, I was very skeptical of this date. My friend at work set me up with him. He coaches her daughter in high school softball. I was kind of excited, but I was just kind of 'down' on guys at that point. Lots of disappointing relationships lately. Anyway, I decided to give this guy a chance, though. Especially since he emailed and called and sounded interested. We met at an Italian restaurant last night. I was definitely attracted to him - definitely more so than when I saw his picture. Our conversation was great, we had a lot in common and most importantly, we had chemistry. After dinner he asked me to get a drink with him - which I took as a good sign. Again, during drinks we had great conversation. He dropped me off at my car at the end of the date. I think he may have wanted to kiss me...but I held out. That is for the second date only. Especially because he was a stranger before 7pm that evening. He made me call him when I got home (because I live kind of far from where we were and because it was late). He also emailed me this morning to tell me he had a great time and to apologize for keeping me out so late. So, I think I like this one. I thought blind dates where supposed to be harder!:) I guess I just got *lucky.* We'll see where it goes...could be going nowhere...could be headed towards a second date.

Unbelievable

2005-09-09T11:54:00.000-05:00

So I've been meaning to vent about this but keep forgetting. ESPN hired Lou Holtz to replace Trev Alberts. Not only is this a huge mistake from the female demographic perspective (or from my perspective at least - he's totally a Cosmo type of guy), but I'm also personally offended. I think I would have been the perfect analyst. I guess I'll just have to wait for the next opening.

I must admit that it would have been tough to attempt to step into good 'ol Trev's shoes though. I will forever be grateful to him for keeping me sane on a flight to Orlando a few days after my engagement came to an end. (He wouldn't have been such a bad rebound...except for that whole married with kids situation he's in.)

On another note, I have to mention my boy Ben Watson making some big plays for my future husband Tom Brady last night. Go Pats!

Breakin' the Law...

2005-09-09T11:46:00.000-05:00

...the fashion law, that is.

So after three days of being on good behavior and wearing close-toed pumps, I broke the sandals after Labor Day rule. I have to admit that I haven't yet unpacked my fall/winter shoe collection for the season. These past few days I've just been breaking in recently purchased shoes, so I haven't had a need to pull out any of my stored goods. Today, however, was different b/c Fridays are jeans days at the office (okay, not really, but most of us wear them and nobody has fired us yet.) None of my new fall shoes work with jeans, so I went into panic mode and resorted to some camel sandals.

I hope one of you will be willing to bail me out of jail.

Could You Just Learn Sign Language Instead?

2005-09-08T18:40:00.000-05:00

So, we all know I'm one of the pickiest girls ever. I have certain qualities and characteristics that are required of the men I date - most girls do. I think the other martinis, however, can verify that I have pretty much whittled the pool of men who I consider to be eligible for dating down to about 0.5% of the U.S. population. We all know about my height/weight/build standards as well as the usual education, sense of humor, drive to succeed, independent, athletic, blah, blah, blah. Here's a fun one, however, that most of you have probably never heard me mention - VOICE.

An intolerable voice can nix the whole deal for me. Seriously.

My first sign of this issue was back in 2000. I was a recent college graduate, innocent to the goings-on that occur while traveling on business (Lemon Drop Martini is smiling right now, I'm sure.) I worked for a company that would bring their customers to a central location annually to preview new products, schmooze, and hopefully increase their orders for the following season. Who knew I'd find a handsome young man amongst all of the dirty old men? I was sober when I first saw him - we exchanged glances and smiles and I looked forward to seeing him later in the evening at a social event where I could wear something cute (rather than the corporate polo shirt and ugly pants I was stuck in.) By the time I caught up with him at the "casino night" we were hosting, I was already less-than-sober. I'll blame it on the alcohol, the loud crowd we were surrounded by, and the possibility that I had an ear infection and my hearing wasn't up to par, because I didn't notice anything strange about his voice. We even left the crowded party a few hours later and I still didn't catch on (of course, I had consumed several more drinks by that point.) So I make out with him. He was hot and I was bored and sick of looking at old men - it was a match made in heaven. In all honesty, this guy had a lot going for him. He was, as mentioned before, very good looking, however he was also a very successful businessman, set to take over the family business ($$$) in a few short years (probably running the show by now.) Yea, a long distance boy for Cosmo - what fun!

Nope, not fun. The second I received my first voicemail from him, I knew I'd never date him. His voice was unexplainable - sort of squeaky and whiney all at once. It reminded me a bit of my great grandmother's, although her's was much more pleasant on the ears. I avoided his calls like the plague, but eventually took one when I was drunk, hoping that would cure his voice. It didn't. My mom told me I was being ridiculous and that nobody's voice could be that horrible. She said he had everything else going for him and that I needed to bend a little and look past his voice. I let her listen to one of her voicemails. Fingernails down a blackboard was how she described it. She immediately backed off (which is quite unusual , but it was THAT bad.)

He even came to [Cosmo's city] for some training class and planned to stay with me. I never answered the phone. Eventually he stopped calling and I received an email from him a year or so ago announcing his engagement.

So why am I rehashing the past? Okay, I'll admit it. I made another myspace mistake (rest assured DM & AM, this one hasn't promised to get us VIP passes to clubs!!) Anyway, I gave my number to a guy I really don't have much interest in. He seemed harmless (I think he is still probably harmless) but he mentioned possibly visiting [Cosmo's city] within the next month or so and wanted to meet up when he was here. Fine, cool, call me a few days before you're coming and we'll go have a drink....or I'll pretend to be out of town and/or busy when you call. Uh, he called that very day, as well as the next night. Eek! Okay, so maybe he's a really nice guy and he's very interested in me and would treat me like a princess....right? Right? Right?

I don't care. His voice - ugh. He could be a gazillionare with a beach house and a wardrobe of designer fashions just waiting for me - none of it would matter. He has such a southern accent that it's actually difficult to understand him...and I work with tons of southern accents and have even been accused of having one myself. This boy is COUNTRY though and his voice isn't deep or masculine at all. Ladies, it's not pretty. It's comical. I actually feel bad for him - he sounds like he should do voiceovers for cartoons or something. I've deleted his two voicemails, but if he should happen to go for round three tonight, well, I'll save it so everyone can have a good laugh later.

Am I a total bitch or do I deserve to have a man with a sexy voice?

blah blah blah

2005-09-07T22:35:00.000-05:00

blah. I had a date tonight and all I can say is "blah". The guy was ok looking, decent conversationalist, etc. However, he watched the Braves game the whole time (at least until the game was over). To me, if a guy is more interested in a baseball game than focusing on me... well, forget it.

Also, he didn't walk me to my car - is that a big deal? I would think that if a guy was into a girl, he would do more than a cursory hug and actually make sure she made it to her car safely. Am I being picky? I don't think so. I didn't need to be walked to my car, but the fact that he didn't want to walk me makes me think he doesn't really care to be around me. Usually when I click with someone, he will walked me to my car just to have a couple extra minutes with me. And I will want him to. I have to admit, I didn't really want this guy to walk me. hmmmmm. I don't think we will be going out again....

I need a man...

2005-09-07T12:05:00.000-05:00

...to fix all the shit the inspector just found in Barbie's Dream House. I have 24 hours to decide if I want to go through with this or not. AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Day Two of Closed-Toe Pain

2005-09-07T07:47:00.000-05:00

So, it's now the second day after Labor Day and here I am attempting to break in another pair of closed-toed heels. I am wearing a Band-Aid on each foot (thankfully covered by the shoes) but the owie spots are already stinging. Here's something DM & AM can appreciate - I'm wearing those Nine West heels from our Gulf Shores trip...I think I actually needed a half size down (I'm an even bigger freak than we thought with my screwed up height vs. shoe size ratio!)

At any rate, if I make it through this week, I'm treating myself to socks and running shoes on Sat (unless I go to the football game, in which case I will have to dress up.)

Can someone please confirm the rules of sandals in FL after Labor Day? I have been told that open-toed shoes are acceptable year-round (yet another reason I should have moved there when given the opportunity!) I'm heading down to Tampa next weekend and am hoping to give my feet the break they'll need by that point in time!

Searching for truth.....but definitely not for a job!

2005-09-06T22:34:00.000-05:00

For the past couple weeks I've been trying to get to the bottom of my lack of job search motivation. Several things have become quite apparent....

1) I can't afford me. Even if a job fell into my lap tomorrow, I couldn't afford to keep myself in the fashion to which I've become accustomed. This is worrisome. When I don't have a job my parents (1 mom, 3 or 4 dads) feel sorry for me and try to "make things better for me" with cash allowances (they can all afford it). However, they all hate each other and don't communicate, so none of them realize how much the others are giving me. Its a beautiful system. A job will put an end to all that - yikes!!

2) If I get a job, I can't watch all my ABC soap in real time. Very disappointing. I managed to schedule all my law school classes around them...but work is definitely going to cramp my style.

3) My athletic club is much less crowded during the day. The pool is nice and quite (kids are in school)...no one else is usually in the steam room(the real reason I go). And lets face it - its much more fun to take the mid morning yoga class with 10- 12 trophy housewives rather than the evening class with 25 - 30 stressed out workaholics.

4) If I go to work then I will have to go to bed early. No more late night google-earthing (its fabulous), reading (currently "The Historian"), tv/movie watching (mostly law & order reruns), etc. And I'm not a morning person. Seriously, I'm a danger to myself and others before 9 am. (ask AM - she'll attest) Besides, Einstein's is much less crowded after 9 am, which is nice.

5) If I work, no more 4 day weekends. Which means...no more trips out of town. And I like going out of town. Alot. (I have been out of town the past 3 or 4 weekends in a row) In law school I even had 4 day weekends. And apparently, lawyers even work on weekends sometimes. This makes me a little nauseous to think about.

6)I know nothing about the law. So how the hell am I supposed to practice it?

These and many other realizations have led me to the conclusion that I need a good swift kick in the ass - soon - or I'll never take this whole job search thing seriously. Either that or I'm not cut out for working and I should just find a sponsor. Hmmmmm....there's a thought. Hee-hee.

Red Eye

2005-09-06T18:05:00.000-05:00

Will somebody please go see this movie with me? (I will also need you to provide a cute boy to protect me afterwards...unless you're a cute boy to begin with.)

Ouch!

2005-09-06T08:32:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm wearing closed-toed shoes today since it's now officially after Labor Day. My feet are already mad at me. Not only am I suffocating my poor toes, but I'm also breaking in new shoes. It's gonna be a long day!

UPDATE: Inner left heel area is already raw. Just applied a Band-Aid. OWWWWWWW.

Pandora's Box

2005-09-05T22:32:00.000-05:00

Oh my God...

I've been staring at my computer,fascinated, for 2 full hours...

Wondering why?

Has anyone else out there ever downloaded and used Google Earth?????

http://earth.google.com/

I just went from looking at a 3D view of St. Peter's Basilica to checking out the roof of my new townhome to staring at an Ariel view of the yard of my ex boyfriend, the Italian one.

Eeeek!!! Madness I tell you!!!

I love it...(-;

Stephen - Please Explain

2005-09-05T21:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I could be running the risk of becoming unpopular with this post, but could someone please explain the allure of Stephen from MTV's Laguna Beach? I don't understand how he manages to have the beautiful LC madly in love with him and how he gets the adorable and bubbly Kristen to continuously agree to see him. He's not the least bit attractive and from what I can tell from the editor's work on the show, he's not all that intelligent. Both girls appear to be wealthier as well, so I don't believe money is the explanation.

I shared a cab from my Vegas hotel to the airport with a guy who had spent the previous week partying in LA. His cousin owns some club out there and some B List celebrity had a birthday party there. Several of the Laguna kids showed up, Stephen included. My cab buddy said that Stephen was even scrawnier (is that even a word?) in person than he appears on the show.

Perhaps I need to consider the other men of Laguna - it's pretty slim pickens. Jason is pretty average, but quite possibly the hottest on the show. Next week, however, it appears he'll become an even bigger ass that he has been in past episodes.

Talon is a dork. A nice dork, but a dork nonetheless. Have you ever paid attention to his conversations with his skater buddies? Scary.

I think the girls of Laguna ought to branch out to a city with some good looking men...if I can think of any recommendations, I'll be meeting them there.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2005-09-05T19:05:00.000-05:00

Have I mentioned how excited I am that it's FINALLY football season once again? From college (my favorite) to pro to my very own co-ed flag football team - I simply can't get enough. Just needed to share my enthusiasm with the rest of the blogging world. Must go now - FSU vs. Miami just began...

Vote on Barbie's Dreamhouse...er, Condo

2005-09-01T17:39:00.000-05:00

Warning: There will be nothing humorous about this post. I don't have the energy to be witty right now, nor do I have the strength to make this decision on my own.

Premise: Due my state of mind described above, I'm going to let you, the loyal readers of Sober Living, decide which condo I put an offer on. Seriously. Just hurry up because I need to move fast.

Directions: Please vote for "Condo Q" or "Condo R" within the comments area at your earliest convenience (RIGHT NOW would be most helpful & appreciated.) The letters Q and R have absolutely no relevance, however being that I'm a former dork - I mean market researcher - I learned never to label selections A & B (due to school grade connotations) or 1 & 2 (b/c one is usually at an obvious advantage - who wants to come in second?)

Please note: Both Condo Q and Condo R are located in the same building within the same development. All basic amenities are equal. Both are two bedroom, 2 bathroom (same total square footage) with a small laundry area, good kitchen, huge living room, stainless steal appliances, hardwood floors, wooden blinds, a balcony, & two covered parking spaces.

Condo Q: See above

Condo R: All of the above plus a modified floorplan for a larger master bathroom (which includes a double vanity, jetted tub, upgraded shower tiles), a fireplace, built in flat screen plasma tv (valued at $5k), built in surround sound system (valued at $1k), built in shelves on either side of the fireplace, stacked washer/dryer, two balconies (one off main room, one off master), one year of HOA fees covered ($325/month = $3900 value), two of the closest parking spaces, large storage room across the hall, & patio furniture. Oh yeah, this is a penthouse unit. The catch: $30k more than Condo Q.

The polls are now open for voting...

Not even a little Cosmo????

2005-08-19T09:53:00.000-05:00

Here's that picture of Sawyer I was telling you about A.M.....So Cosmo, you don't think he's pretty? Not even a little????? Wow.

I knew I'd forgotten something...

2005-08-18T20:42:00.000-05:00

Just for funsies...

This is the guy (justin melvey) that sam (kelly monaco) on GH is being forced to marry on General Hospital. I can barely watch the storyline because she has to learn to dance (a la Dancing with the Stars) to convince him she's someone else. Its almost as bad as the teen drama, which I fast forward through on a regular basis.

Converted!

2005-08-18T20:38:00.000-05:00

I have been converted. I now believe the internet may actually be a source for romance. Yesterday, Cosmo admitted she has an internet crush (see below) on one of our fans. Now, I love both of you guys from YCGAFBA but I had picture ya'll looking something like this:

Nothing personal, you understand. I mean, you are in law school (breeding ground for dorks) and you blog (I'm picturing Bill Gates). So, imagine my surprise when I found out you actually look like this:

Slight exaggeration, but you get the picture. So now I am on a mission to find my own internet crush. My biggest obstacle is that most of the blogs I read are celebrity gossip blogs and the only men who write those are gay. I need to branch out into other subjects. Maybe a surfing blog? Those guys are complete hotties. Or maybe my latest crush has a blog? Here he is:

mmmmmm, me likey some of that Josh Holloway (Sawyer) from Lost! Yes, I think he will do nicely as my new internet crush, don't you?